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SamKiwi's favorite FMLs
by weezer / 02/21/2011 at 8:07am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I had my buddies over for a few beers and, trying to be cool, I told my wife to get out of the living room and back in the kitchen. I felt smug, right up until she said, "Why? Your mom doesn't need to be turned over for another 20 minutes, dick." FML
by :/ / 02/20/2011 at 1:44pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
by anonymous / 02/19/2011 at 8:12am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by bride / 02/14/2011 at 1:24am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I cleaned up my dog's crap after my wife asked me. 5 minutes later she yelled at me for being lazy as she slammed the door leaving for work. My dog shit in the exact same spot apparently to make me look stupid. FML
by Username / 02/12/2011 at 9:17pm / United States (Kentucky) / Animals
by acab93 / 02/10/2011 at 5:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my daughter’s teacher asking me to come pick her up. My daughter wouldn’t tell her what was wrong. I left an important work meeting. When I got there she stated her boyfriend broke up with her and she couldn't emotionally make it through the rest of the day. She's 5. FML
by mom21 / 02/08/2011 at 12:46pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Kids
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Love
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 4:53am / France / Intimacy
by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 1:24am / France / Intimacy
Today, I was eating dinner with a friend when a really hot guy came up and introduced himself. He told us he was vegetarian, and I wanted to impress him so I told him I was too. I was eating a steak. FML
by Anonymous / 12/05/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 11/27/2010 at 10:03am / United States (New York) / Health
Today, was my girlfriend's birthday. I planned it to perfection: we went shopping, bowling, had lunch in a nice Italian restaurant, watched a French comedy, walked by the river. She also got many presents. Tonight, I was exhausted but happy for her... until she told me her birthday is tomorrow. FML
by frenchboyfriend / 11/13/2010 at 7:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 7:28pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
- 1Today, my boyfriend presented me with a 30-minute montage video of him working out and flexing his… 2Today, my boyfriend finally told me that he loved me. This would've been fantastic if he didn't say… 3Today, I was eating my lunch. When I opened my mouth to eat a spoonful of rice, a bee flew right…