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SamKiwi's favorite FMLs
Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML
by Sparks / 03/13/2011 at 3:39am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML
by vlcardenx3 / 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML
by Anonymous / 03/12/2011 at 12:14am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
by Username / 03/12/2011 at 12:10am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML
by Laura / 03/11/2011 at 12:20am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML
by shia / 03/10/2011 at 7:51pm / Miscellaneous
by Spooked / 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm / United States (Arkansas) / Miscellaneous
by Animal / 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML
by Annie / 02/24/2011 at 1:39am / United States (Tennessee) / Kids
by Anonymous / 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Love
by CutieBooty / 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Clare / 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy
by moweezy9 / 02/21/2011 at 4:07pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
- Today, after a long and stressful day, I started fooling around with my boyfriend. When we finally… Today, I had my wisdom teeth removed. The sympathetic words from my boyfriend asked if this meant I… Today, I learned that I do not possess the upper body, core, or leg strength to hold my girlfriend…