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SamKiwi

Offline (the 10/18/2015 at 4:04pm) | Search for a member

SamKiwi

7Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 February 1994 (21 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2799
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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SamKiwi's page activity

Visits<b>Silentshdw13</b> - the 01/16/2016 at 12:30pm<b>getoffmyscreen</b> - the 01/04/2016 at 4:11am<b>glossy12</b> - the 12/14/2015 at 12:54am<b>_OF_WG_KTA_</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 12:54am<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/08/2015 at 7:38pm<b>leopardwilliam</b> - the 08/05/2015 at 1:19am<b>Eabbs</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:19am<b>sarah2144</b> - the 08/03/2015 at 3:08am<b>thatoneguy1111</b> - the 07/26/2015 at 12:54am<b>joe3</b> - the 07/20/2015 at 2:57pm<b>MrCommunism</b> - the 07/18/2015 at 2:04pm<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 10:00am<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 9:09am<b>iT_Cereal</b> - the 07/14/2015 at 9:48pm<b>muarif</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 8:09am<b>hkhan24</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 6:42am<b>brandonwong</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 1:42am<b>khoov19</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 1:01am

Fucked!<b>_OF_WG_KTA_</b> - the 08/13/2015 at 6:54am<b>hammerhead2015</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 1:39am<b>tranced_</b> - the 07/17/2015 at 4:01pm<b>dk1991</b> - the 07/15/2015 at 3:10pm<b>hkhan24</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 12:43pm<b>khoov19</b> - the 07/13/2015 at 7:01am

SamKiwi's FML badges

Keen reader – Level: student ninja

You have voted for 15% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

Hard at Work

Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of SamKiwi's badges

SamKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27231) - you deserved it (14500)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

#15287588
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13088) - you deserved it (40055)

On 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

#15284565
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46661) - you deserved it (5970)

On 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by vlcardenx3 (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45843) - you deserved it (3667)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

#15281187
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49377) - you deserved it (8124)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

#15270660
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30735) - you deserved it (4440)

On 03/11/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

#15266054
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25078) - you deserved it (21075)

On 03/10/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by shia -

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
203 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40541) - you deserved it (6937)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

#15103887
467 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35283) - you deserved it (5167)

On 02/24/2011 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, my mom was snooping around my room, and found the unopened box of glow in the dark condoms I bought myself year ago. She laughed and said, "No takers yet, eh?" FML

#15102397
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35496) - you deserved it (16663)

On 02/24/2011 at 2:14pm - intimacy - by Animal (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I went to my son's high school play. The moment I arrived at the auditorium, I shouted out his name to let him know I made it. Thinking I was a student, a teacher yelled, "SHUT UP AND SIT DOWN!" Scared out of my mind, I quickly obeyed, to mass giggling from the kids. FML

#15098216
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15066) - you deserved it (34902)

On 02/24/2011 at 1:39am - kids - by Annie (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I asked for permission to marry the girl I love. Her father not only said no, he said "HELL no!" FML

#15084151
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33642) - you deserved it (4792)

On 02/22/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, after some passionate love making with my husband, I accidentally farted on his leg. He shrieked and frantically began shaking his leg while screaming, "Get it off! Get it off!" FML

#15079652
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23085) - you deserved it (34658)

On 02/22/2011 at 4:02pm - intimacy - by CutieBooty (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

#15067918
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38939) - you deserved it (7406)

On 02/21/2011 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by Clare (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I finally taught my mom how to text message people. Now I get a message from her every 30 seconds saying "Hi". FML

#15066931
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28818) - you deserved it (15538)

On 02/21/2011 at 4:07pm - misc - by moweezy9 (woman) - United States (Washington)



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