Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SamKiwi

Search for a member

SamKiwi
  • Town/Country : Essex, England
  • Title : Miss
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 February 1994 (20 years)
  • Number of visits : 1265
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

SamKiwi's last visitors

FML102938jacob_bombMattBeniddriftking51DontMindMeAtAllnubbles10Raleigh_bruhboredguyyyBaucisrob02aa1717

SamKiwi's FML badges

YDI master

That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.

Judgmental

You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.

I agree, their lives suck

200 votes confirming that their life is crap. It’s what the website is all about.

See all of SamKiwi's badges

SamKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

#15655514
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33706) - you deserved it (4555)

On 04/05/2011 at 8:00pm - misc - by notacreeper -

Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML

#15636235
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37383) - you deserved it (10492)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm - intimacy - by Abyssal (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML

#15635738
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8932) - you deserved it (30415)

On 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm - misc - by Username - United States (Kansas)

Today, I found out that my mom and dad got a divorce. They didn't tell me, they just changed their relationship status on Facebook. FML

#15635122
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40437) - you deserved it (2987)

On 04/04/2011 at 12:23pm - love - by carolinagirl (woman) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

#15631458
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25938) - you deserved it (6161)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Mozambique (Maputo)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

#15426482
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44886) - you deserved it (25755)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

#15297334
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5958) - you deserved it (30675)

On 03/13/2011 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

#15296176
263 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10502) - you deserved it (53726)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

#15295862
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27969) - you deserved it (3553)

On 03/13/2011 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

#15291408
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44010) - you deserved it (3496)

On 03/13/2011 at 8:48am - misc - by randinosaur - United States (Delaware)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22871) - you deserved it (13159)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

#15287588
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10137) - you deserved it (34473)

On 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

#15284565
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36564) - you deserved it (4515)

On 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by vlcardenx3 (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40211) - you deserved it (3238)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

#15281187
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41611) - you deserved it (7285)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Username - United States



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: