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SamKiwi's favorite FMLs
by bobo / 04/23/2011 at 9:02pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals
Today, while having sex with my girlfriend, she tells me that the flab on my stomach does not turn her on, and stops in the middle of it. Therefore, until my diet is over, guess who doesn't get any. FML
Today, I wore my cheerleading uniform to my boyfriend's house. He was a nerd in high school and mentioned a fantasy about hooking up with a cheerleader. I started acting sassy and a little mean, figuring he would enjoy a more realistic experience. Apparently not, because he started to cry. FML
by oc_cheergirl / 04/05/2011 at 10:32pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I was making love to my wife from behind. As we both reached climax at the same time, she threw her head back in ecstasy just as I buckled forward with pleasure. We slammed our heads together, effectively ending our orgasms. FML
by Abyssal / 04/04/2011 at 2:29pm / United States (Utah) / Intimacy
Today, my dad woke me up for the second time to get me ready for school. Wanting me to prove I was really awake, he made me sit up. As soon as he left my room, I dozed off and faceplanted my nightstand. FML
by Username / 04/04/2011 at 1:36pm / United States (Kansas) / Miscellaneous
by carolinagirl / 04/04/2011 at 12:23pm / United States (South Carolina) / Love
by Anonymous / 04/04/2011 at 2:15am / Mozambique (Maputo) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/22/2011 at 1:54am / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML
by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm / United States (Missouri) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 03/13/2011 at 5:51pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by randinosaur / 03/13/2011 at 8:48am / United States (Delaware) / Transportation
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, I’m on vacation in Tunisia. Having trouble with the heat at night, I tried sleeping outside… Today, my university fridge is so small that the cucumber I bought doesn’t fit either lengthwise or… Today, on my way home to Bordeaux after a weekend in Paris, I had the pleasure of being sat next to…