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SamKiwi

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SamKiwi
  • Town/Country : Essex, England
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Monday 28 February 1994 (19 years)
  • Number of visits : 796
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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SamKiwi's favorite FMLs

Today, I went up to a girl at a bus stop and started chatting her up. Her response? "Am I being robbed?" FML

#15631458
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you deserved it (5211)

On 04/04/2011 at 2:15am - misc - by Anonymous - Mozambique (Maputo)

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

#15426482
205 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41209) - you deserved it (21055)

On 03/22/2011 at 1:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, eating my weight in breadsticks at Olive Garden and trying to relive my childhood via a pogo stick was not a good combination. My new shoes are now a different color. FML

#15297334
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5119) - you deserved it (3978)

On 03/13/2011 at 8:20pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML

#15296176
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10320) - you deserved it (52828)

On 03/13/2011 at 6:26pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Missouri)

Today, I had to wait an hour in the awful rain for my mom to pick me up, because she didn't realize the clocks had gone forward already. FML

#15295862
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25996) - you deserved it (3025)

On 03/13/2011 at 5:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a cop rear-ended me. Then I received a ticket from him for driving too far under the speed limit. We were in a school zone. FML

#15291408
209 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41496) - you deserved it (2954)

On 03/13/2011 at 8:48am - misc - by randinosaur - United States (Delaware)

Today, after a few beers, I was exiting the bathroom of a loud house party when the door jammed. I had to climb out through the shower window. It was fool proof until my foot got stuck. I hung outside the house upside down in the dark yelling for an hour before someone figured out where I was. FML

#15290209
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19056) - you deserved it (10211)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:39am - misc - by Sparks (man) - United States (California)

Today, while at the bakery section of my local supermarket, I heard the beat of what I assumed was a song playing. I really got into it, and bobbed my head and danced a little. After getting some strange looks, I realized the "beat" was a machine mixing frosting. FML

#15287588
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9232) - you deserved it (28219)

On 03/12/2011 at 10:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was at Aéropostale with some friends when I noticed a woman glaring at me. When we got to the checkout, the woman still had her eyes on me, so I asked why she was staring. She snapped, "If you had kept your legs closed, you wouldn't be pregnant." I'm not pregnant. FML

#15284565
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35864) - you deserved it (4474)

On 03/12/2011 at 4:11pm - misc - by vlcardenx3 (woman) - United States (West Virginia)

Today, it was the début of the high school musical I was in. When two others and I sang the word "Hell", my mother yelled at us for using that language, while the musical was still going, and dragged me off stage. FML

#15281209
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35469) - you deserved it (2606)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:14am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to try something new. By something new, it was to put flour in my butt and see what would happen if I farted. FML

#15281187
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39310) - you deserved it (6354)

On 03/12/2011 at 12:10am - intimacy - by Username - United States

Today, every fire alarm in my house went off. At 3AM. I ripped them all out of the ceiling. We have 49 because the previous owners were scared of fire. They are still going off. FML

#15271742
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24703) - you deserved it (2954)

On 03/11/2011 at 2:00am - misc - by dancer7718 -

Today, I was waiting for the pan to heat up so I could make myself scrambled eggs. Just then, my mom runs up to me, cracks an egg open on my head, and runs away laughing. I only had one other egg. FML

#15270660
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21849) - you deserved it (3249)

On 03/11/2011 at 12:20am - misc - by Laura (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

#15266054
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16767) - you deserved it (14355)

On 03/10/2011 at 7:51pm - misc - by shia -

Today, I discovered that the demonic voice that made me nearly piss myself all night, was my sister's Furby she stuck in the closet. FML

#15219004
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30732) - you deserved it (5360)

On 03/06/2011 at 2:38pm - misc - by Spooked (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)



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