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Offline (the 03/29/2015 at 9:47pm) | Search for a member
About Sal_Plissken : 18, a visionary robbed by fate. Look for your light, and keep it safe. I'm a listener, so if you need someone to talk to, I'll be there to listen. I don't hide the truth, so you can expect a sincere response at all times; it's not easy but someone has to do it. Don't let anyone else tell you who are, you make a name for yourself and you earn respect, if they don't want to respect it, reply in kind.
Your FML was denied. We had to at least give you a badge to cheer you up a bit.
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Today... I Took My Girlfriend To Meet My Parents. My Dad Thought It'd Be Hilarious To Act Surprised An Ask Me If I'd Already Dumped The Girlfriend I Introduced Him To Yesterday. She Slapped Me An Stormed Out Of The House Before My Dad Could Tell Her It Was A Joke. FML
Yesterday, I had to take a dump at work. I walked into the bathroom and opened a stall, only to find wat I can only describe as a fecal crime scene. It was lyk a turd had exploded mid-air. It was so vile, anxiety kicked in and I broke down into a sobbing panic attack. FML
Today, when I droppd my 6-year-old daughter off at school, a little boy ran up to her so I askd his name. My daughter explaind: "Oh, don't pay any attention to him, he's my slave. He's come to carry my bag. See u later, mom!" FML
Today as I was riding my bike home from school I saw a homeless man sitting on a bench . I was about to walk up to him and give him money but before I could do anything my mother walked up and kissed him . My mom is dating this guy . mega FML
Today, while cleaning mah son's room, I found an envelope labelled ( PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL ) under his bed. I opened it, only to fine it was a glitter bomb. I couldn't get it all cleaned off myself before he got home. He just said ( HAH! Serve you right! ) an went to his room smrking. FML
TODAY... I HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND. AFTER HOLDING IN MAH FARTS ALL NIGHT AS IS DONE... I DECIDED ENOUGH WAS ENOUGH AND TO CALMLY LET ONE SLIP OUT. ONE DID NOT CALMLY SLIP OUT INSTEAD I SHIT MYSELF IN HER BED. I WAS NAKED AT THE TIME SO WAS UNABLE TO HIDE IT. MEGA FML
Today, mah wife wantd me to take her to a new restaurant in town . When I lookd it up and saw thier prices, I almost had a heart attack . When I said it was too expensive, she snappd ( Maybe you'd lyk to look up 'Lorena looool Bobbitt' next?! ) We went to the restaurant . FML
TODAY... MY GRLFRIEND GAVE ME MY FRST HANDJOB. I WAS NERVOUS... SOHEN SHE WENT TO DO IT... I PANICKD AND YELLD... "FRMLY GRASP IT!" SHE THEN COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING CUZ IT WAS A LINE FROM SPONGEBOB. FML
Today.. . my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me . I'm a massage/physical therapist an treat clients.. . mostly athletes.. . in my home . My neighbours saw the steady stream of young.. . buff guys coming to my house an concluded that I'm a gay prostitute . fat FML
Today..!! I slept on the plane ride home and had a scary nightmare!! I started screaming in my dream..!! so loud that it shocked the old lady sitting next to me into screaming as well!! The whole plane began laughing as we were both screaming!!
Friday 27 March 2015