I like scary stuff (but it has to be really scary) and music
i can't spell, and that's bout it
Today, I woke up and looked in the mirror and noticed that my face was covered in glitter. I asked my wife about it and she said she put it on me while I was sleeping so that I would sparkle like Edward from Twilight when I'm in the sunlight. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40159) - you totally deserved it (3654)
On 11/28/2009 at 12:32pm - love - by IB6UB9 - United States
Today, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39241) - you totally deserved it (5943)
On 11/24/2009 at 7:08pm - misc - by buhknee - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was at a party with my boyfriend of one year when an attractive girl walks over. She asks him, "Is this your girlfriend?" He replied "That depends... are you single?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (27632) - you totally deserved it (1811)
On 11/22/2009 at 12:49pm - love - by Rejected. (woman) - United Kingdom (Nottinghamshire)
Today, I helped an old man with his groceries, because he was struggling and he had a cane. After, I was nice enough to drive him home. He went to thank me by giving me a kiss on the cheek. Then he stuck his tongue out, and tried to French kiss me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22828) - you totally deserved it (3585)
On 11/22/2009 at 8:53am - misc - by mjperfetti84 (woman) - United States (Maryland)
Today, I was walking around in Target with my friends and the guy I've liked for a long time. As we approached the patio section, I sat down on a chair only to hear a big wet watery sound. I got up and realized that I had just sat in some little kid's diarrhea. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27487) - you totally deserved it (3629)
On 11/20/2009 at 10:35am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24720) - you totally deserved it (1358)
On 11/14/2009 at 1:38pm - love - by asthma_attacker (man) - United States (New York)
Today, at my work, I was ringing though a kid's purchase. I try to be friendly with the kids and when he handed me his cash I said "Thank you, sir!" in a playful manner. He then turns to his mom and says "Mom, why does everyone think I am a boy?". FML
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On 11/13/2009 at 7:09pm - kids - by DeeElleGee (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I drove 600 miles to be with my boyfriend of two years for his uncle's funeral. He didn't want me to come because I am seven months pregnant and flying is dangerous in the third trimester. When I got there I don't know who was more suprised to see me: him, his wife, or their kids. FML
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On 11/08/2009 at 10:39am - love - by homewrecker - United States
Today, I was at a barbecue. I picked up a piece of cake and began complaining to the man next to me about how horrible it tasted. "It tastes like a s***!" I said. His wife baked it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3365) - you totally deserved it (26589)
On 11/08/2009 at 10:03am - misc - by Cakeman (man) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, I was walking through the store when I saw a little boy point to me and say something to his mom. I was out of earshot at the time, but I got close enough just in time to hear the mom reply, "God says we have to love everyone, even if they're ugly." FML
I agree, your life sucks (18512) - you totally deserved it (1135)
On 11/08/2009 at 8:53am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19967) - you totally deserved it (2355)
On 11/07/2009 at 3:12am - health - by chairlee (woman) - United States (Ohio)
Today, as I was waking up, I let out a huge morning fart. When I open my eyes, I realized that I was crashing at a friends place with four other people. Yep, they all heard. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5821) - you totally deserved it (16796)
On 11/07/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by munnyfish (man) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I arranged the food on my plate in a smiley face to try and make myself feel better. I'm a 38 year old man. It worked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17819) - you totally deserved it (3039)
On 11/06/2009 at 7:32pm - misc - by Anon (man) - United Kingdom (Buckinghamshire)
Today, I finally decided to get back at my roommates for eating all my food. First thing that kept disappearing was my water, so I decided to add lots of laxatives to my water this way the first person to go to the bathroom nonstop was the culprit. I forgot I had done that when I drank some myself. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3157) - you totally deserved it (22073)
On 11/06/2009 at 6:55pm - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States (California)
Today, there was something itching me in my bed, it was the tag to my pillow case. I proceeded to rip it off, I pulled very hard and slipped and punched myself right in the face. I broke my nose. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14044) - you totally deserved it (5756)
On 11/06/2009 at 6:37pm - health - by jellybean (woman) - United States
