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S_music_freak_B

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S_music_freak_B

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S_music_freak_B's favorite FMLs

Today, I told my coworkers that I was going on a date tonight so they would think I have a social life. One of them spotted me while I was eating alone at McDonalds. FML

Today, my mother came over to my apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn't until after she left that I realized that I left a half empty bottle of adult toy cleaner on the counter in the bathroom. FML

Today, my neighbour came over with a bag containing lingerie, and apologized while blushing. Turns out his boy was the reason that my lingerie kept disappearing from my garden clothesline recently. His "boy" is over 20 years younger than me. FML

Today, I woke up to my cat slowly dragging her paw across my face. I opened my eyes to see a bloody mouse dangling an inch from my face. It was still twitching. FML

#20908715
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42802) - you deserved it (3587)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:34pm - animals - by animal lover... -

Today, my son's lemonade stand was robbed by a senior citizen. FML

#20908703
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46799) - you deserved it (2949)

On 10/05/2013 at 6:25pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband yelled from upstairs, "Babe! BABE, COME QUICK!" Terrified that something might have happened to our newborn daughter, I rushed up, only to find out he just wanted to show me that he'd learned how to spin a top on the tip of his penis without it falling. FML

#20908628
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48913) - you deserved it (6615)

On 10/05/2013 at 5:28pm - intimacy - by -____- (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I realized that my dog is an evil genius. As I sat down to have a snack, he barked as if he saw someone outside. I went to check it out, but nobody was there. When I returned, I found my dog on the table finishing off my bacon sandwich. FML

#20908563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42529) - you deserved it (7766)

On 10/05/2013 at 4:23pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Manchester)

Today, I accidentally texted a picture of my cock to my dad. FML

#20907559
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25692) - you deserved it (77836)

On 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, after growing my hair out for over a year and constantly being told that it makes me look like a girl, I finally cut it. The first thing my friends said when they saw me was that I now look like a "lesbian." FML

#20874059
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41943) - you deserved it (5337)

On 09/09/2013 at 2:42am - misc - by jessel_ladd92 (man) - United States

Today, a customer kept harassing me and threatening to sue me for all I'm worth because I wouldn't give her a free refill. Her reasoning was that it's "illegal" to deny people a free refill if there's still a little drink left in the cup. FML

#20871774
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44062) - you deserved it (3422)

On 09/07/2013 at 5:43pm - work - by goshoveafuckingfrappuccinoupyourvagyoupsychocunt (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through my birthday card. FML

#20871364
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61395) - you deserved it (3579)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:08pm - love - by brycepetrillo - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my kids only remember my birthday because it's the password on the iPad. FML

#20871062
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41624) - you deserved it (5179)

On 09/07/2013 at 4:22am - kids - by Sean - United States (California)

Today, I found out the unionized cleaning people that empty the garbage and clean the toilets make $19/hr and have more paid time off than I do with my college degree. FML

#20870911
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46289) - you deserved it (6506)

On 09/07/2013 at 12:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, a week after my dad discovered Family Guy and started mindlessly repeating catchphrases from it 24/7, I finally lost my temper and told him how incredibly annoying it is. He just paused, turned to look me in the eyes, and said, "Shut up, Meg." FML

#20870528
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51562) - you deserved it (18775)

On 09/06/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, at Walmart, a woman kept screaming at her husband for the most ridiculous reasons. My friend snickered that she must be on her period, prompting her to whirl around, storm over, and slap the hell out of me, thinking I was the one who said it. FML

#20870447
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50553) - you deserved it (3950)

On 09/06/2013 at 5:42pm - health - by what's a rimjob between friends? (man) - United States (Massachusetts)



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Friday 17 October 2014

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