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Today, I wanted to punish a student for being late. I decided to start a pop quiz before he arrived. I was positive there wasn't enough time for him to finish. He scored full marks and I couldn't say a word. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5522) - you deserved it (47277)
On 08/23/2010 at 12:18am - kids - by K_M (man) - Malaysia (Selangor)
Today, I texted a somewhat overweight girl I wanted to hook up with and asked her "Have you been dating anyone lately?" Unfortunately with predictive text, "dating" came out as "eating". I didn't realize it till after it sent. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12363) - you deserved it (19235)
On 12/15/2009 at 3:32am - love - by Proof-Reader (man) - United States (California)
Today, in english class, while passing back papers, my teacher says to me, "nice job Steve." My name's not Steve. Turns out, for the past four weeks of school some guy who never showed up to class has been getting the credit for my work, while I'd been getting marked absent the entire time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32511) - you deserved it (2067)
On 09/12/2009 at 12:09am - misc - by broly171 (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I was eating with a friend while walking on the sidewalk. A couple of pigeons were bothering us so I threw a fry onto the street. As a flock of pigeons were gathering around the fry, a truck drove by. Only four survived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13575) - you deserved it (32529)
On 08/20/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44459) - you deserved it (5392)
On 08/19/2009 at 6:38pm - intimacy - by kneesarethenewdesk (man) - United Kingdom (York)
Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was with her. No, let me correct myself. Today, my girlfriend updated her Facebook status when I was in her. FML
I agree, your life sucks (58036) - you deserved it (7832)
On 08/16/2009 at 2:53pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30871) - you deserved it (5857)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by stupidtoothpick2 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I wore the new bathing suit my boyfriend got me for my birthday to a family reunion pool party. Turns out, it was a gag gift that dissolves after 3 minutes in water. FML
I agree, your life sucks (60963) - you deserved it (4726)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, my sister and I were reading the new FML posts. I sat close to the fan, and after a few minutes, I leaned against it for support. It immediatly sucked up my hair and started violently twisting it. My sister continued to read and shouted at me because my cries for help are distracting. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36853) - you deserved it (8785)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:21pm - health - by baldintheback (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, while showering I slipped and fell, taking down the shower curtain and smashing my head against the floor, resulting in a concussion. My family came running because of the noise and I lay naked, bleeding and concussed for few minutes before they could stop laughing enough to get me help. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34996) - you deserved it (1859)
On 08/15/2009 at 12:58pm - misc - by iltdtsm - Canada (Nova Scotia)
Today, on my wedding day, when they said "you may kiss the bride", I swung my wife over in the romantic fashion and went in for the kiss. Unfortunately my hands were sweaty as I was nervous and she slipped under my grip. She fell and was knocked unconscious in front of hundreds of people. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37926) - you deserved it (12406)
On 08/15/2009 at 3:50am - love - by slipperyhands (man) - United States (California)
Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend of 4 years because I didn't know the exact amount of days that we'd been together. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48015) - you deserved it (4711)
On 08/15/2009 at 1:30am - love - by fmexgirlfriend (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)
Today, my drunk uncle threw my brand new iPhone 3GS into my pool, ruining it completely. When I asked him to pay for the 600 dollar replacement cost, he said he wasn't responsible for his drunken actions. All of my family members are on his side. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56607) - you deserved it (2540)
On 08/15/2009 at 12:32am - money - by Shadyblood (man) - Puerto Rico
Today, I literally stopped traffic. I was crossing the street and a butterfly landed on me. Being phobic of butterflies, I had a panic attack in the middle of the road. Oh, and I am 17, captain of our football team, and in very good shape. My girlfriend laughed the hardest. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31832) - you deserved it (15667)
On 08/14/2009 at 1:10pm - animals - by Butterflyguy (man) - Canada (Saskatchewan)
Today, I fractured my knuckle at the gym. My girlfriend offered to drive me to Urgent Care. As I threw my gym bag in the car, my keys flew out of the bag's pocket and hit her in the face. I spent the whole afternoon getting dirty looks from nurses because of my broken hand and her black eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (46832) - you deserved it (3403)
On 08/14/2009 at 10:26am - love - by Anon (man) - United States (Maryland)
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