About SS99 : I am me.
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SS99's favorite FMLs
by sadf4x0r / 02/24/2010 at 12:27pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Love
Today, my girlfriend was really depressed. I listed the top 50 reasons why I love her. Her response was "thanks for that but seriously, this video on youtube is hilarious." I couldn't cheer her up but apparently a 10 second video of a dog running in circles can. FML
by Samson / 02/14/2010 at 3:48am / United States (Alabama) / Love
by Twilightsux / 01/30/2010 at 10:20pm / United States / Love
Today, I was spooning with my wife when I said, "It's cold tonight." Previously when I used that line, my wife would respond by saying, "I know how to warm you up" and we would make love. Tonight, she said "I know how to warm you up" and farted on me. FML
by cold-n-stinky / 01/12/2010 at 1:30am / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I found out that I have been declared dead by my credit card company in England because I haven't used it since I moved to Thailand last year. I will need three witnesses to convince them that I am actually alive. FML
by Arsinoe / 01/05/2010 at 7:02pm / United Kingdom (Reading) / Money
Today, I was playing with my yo-yo. I began showing off to my friends. When the girl I liked walked by, I thought it'd be really cool to do the move "dog bite". I ended hitting myself in the balls. Hard. FML
by owmyballs / 12/17/2009 at 11:34am / Thailand (Krung Thep) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom revealed to me that when I was in Preschool, I used to get caught in the bathroom with little boys while I was feeling their "no no" area. I was giving hand jobs to boys before I could read. FML
by Anonymous / 12/15/2009 at 9:20pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, while driving, I witnessed the neighbors dog viciously shaking a black cat. So I slammed on the brakes and jumped out of the car, frantically chasing around the huge dog screaming "Help, someone please help!" I finally managed to tackle him and release the cat. It was a stuffed animal. FML
by damncat / 12/08/2009 at 1:26am / United States (Washington) / Animals
by worst / 10/12/2009 at 4:23am / Philippines (Quezon City) / Miscellaneous
by oxjessiiox / 10/11/2009 at 11:42am / United Kingdom (Leicestershire) / Miscellaneous
Today, my best friend and I went to the movies. There was a hot cashier, so I thought it would be cool to talk in a British accent to try and be sexy. I walked up and started talking when he interrupted me and said in a very heavy British accent, "I know you're faking. You can stop now." FML
by dammitt / 10/10/2009 at 2:10am / United States (Washington) / Work
Today, I found out that my sister who is 16 years older than me is actually my biological mother. She and my parents decided it was best that I didn't know who my real mother was, and to be raised by my grandparents as their child. I've always hated my sister. FML
by dinosaurman / 10/07/2009 at 12:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I tried to surprise my boyfriend over webcam with a cute negligee. He was doing homework. Half an hour later, he finally noticed. Apparently pre-calc is more interesting than his girlfriend. I guess polynomials are just curvier than me. FML
by NotAParabola / 10/07/2009 at 12:39am / United States (Oregon) / Love
Today, while talking online with my boyfriend, the conversation turns sexual. He stops responding but I continue with the conversation. Then I get a response: "this is his sister. He fell asleep and I need the computer. I'll tell him you said goodnight, but not that other stuff". FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2009 at 12:44am / United States (Maryland) / Intimacy
Today, my daughter used the kids potty chair on her own for the first time. Bad: The bucket was not in it so poo hit the floor. Good: she tried to clean it... Bad: with her socks. Good: she decided to clean the socks. Bad: she used the wall. Good: she finally called dad. FML
by Udxero / 09/10/2009 at 3:51am / United States (Texas) / Kids
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for… 3Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got…