Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SHAMUS_the_WITTY

Search for a member

SHAMUS_the_WITTY
  • Town/Country : South of the Mason-Dixon, USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 August 1990 (23 years)
  • Number of visits : 5296
  • Number of comments : 375
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About SHAMUS_the_WITTY : http://www.facebook.com/ChurchOfTheCowOverlords

Like it up, page I run (I'm Overlord). Satirical comedy, we're building a fanbase.

Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's last visitors

callmefiremangshocker20higgy6969cnparks1990IgneelDragneelskyeyez9xAttackAttackxAlwaysWatchingatl904ilovecandy2GnomeInSpace

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of SHAMUS_the_WITTY's badges

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's favorite FMLs

Today, I was taking a piss in a port-o-john and thought it would be a good idea to aim at a bee I saw buzzing around. The bee thought it would be a better idea to sting me on the knob. FML

#4952046
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7791) - you deserved it (78661)

On 08/31/2009 at 12:28pm - misc - by Bee (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

#4950389
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (8704)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:54am - love - by crawfo (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

#4950389
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37170) - you deserved it (8704)

On 08/31/2009 at 9:54am - love - by crawfo (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I finished moving out of my apartment and decided to clean the fridge before I left. I pulled out a drawer that I never used and was shocked to find a moldy, rotten, decayed watermelon. I remembered that I had bought a watermelon the first week I moved into the apartment. Four years ago. FML

#4922753
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7090) - you deserved it (53502)

On 08/30/2009 at 2:29am - misc - by rydawg79 (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to the doctor about my bruised runners toes. She was inexperienced when It came to athletic injuries, so she googled my condition. I just paid to have her tell me exactly what I had already just googled before I left for my appointment. FML

#4879906
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37500) - you deserved it (3969)

On 08/28/2009 at 9:30am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my mother told me I should think about quitting school. She explained that the reason was because she didn't want me to be more successful than my older sisters. FML

#4862674
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49280) - you deserved it (1861)

On 08/27/2009 at 4:28pm - misc - by Kitty_Gem (woman) - United States

Today, I was walking out of a bar when someone grabbed me by the throat, and slammed me against a wall, saying "Stop fooling around with my wife, because next time - I'll kill you." I'm gay and haven't been with a woman since 1985. FML

#4810431
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55706) - you deserved it (5956)

On 08/25/2009 at 1:09pm - love - by Jeff (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my son hit my husband's shop-vac while pulling into the garage too fast. He was grounded for 3 days. Later, while trying to demonstrate how to park safely, I hit my husband in his happy sacks with the mirror. FML

#4764613
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6990) - you deserved it (32947)

On 08/23/2009 at 7:00pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

#4712863
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24509) - you deserved it (1899)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:44pm - money - by jonhapimp (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was on the elevator going up to a meeting, and the elevator was getting more and more crowded as we went up. After about ten people got on, they all agreed that I should get off the elevator because they thought me being on was exceeding the weight limit. FML

#4703567
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31692) - you deserved it (6339)

On 08/21/2009 at 5:27am - health - by tryingatkins (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was driving my little sister to school. She really didn't wanna go and was throwing a tantrum in the car. When we stopped at a red light, my sister notices a police man giving a ticket to another driver. She rolled down her window and screamed "Help me! I'm being kidnapped by a murderer!" FML

#4644829
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60093) - you deserved it (2657)

On 08/19/2009 at 12:22am - misc - by Amara1717 (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML

Today, I showed up at work and a coworker pointed a gun at me. After twisting his arm and leveling his face into the wall, I found out it was a lighter. Now I might lose my job over his stupid joke. FML

Today, I went through my 15 year old daughter's internet history. On google she searched 'Excuses to get away from your dad' and 5 other variations of the same thing. We were supposed to be having a father daughter day tomorrow. FML

#4576081
383 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46140) - you deserved it (15156)

On 08/16/2009 at 4:04pm - misc - by alealovespurple - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I just got done watching my cousin's two kids for four days while they were on vacation. I fed, clothed, and bathed them for four days of hell and got paid with a $5 shark tooth necklace from the Bahamas. FML

#4520071
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44214) - you deserved it (4610)

On 08/14/2009 at 3:34am - kids - by thebabysitter (man) - United States (Indiana)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: