About SHAMUS_the_WITTY : http://www.facebook.com/ChurchOfTheCowOverlords
Like it up, page I run (I'm Overlord). Satirical comedy, we're building a fanbase.
Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing
Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
100 kick ass comments
100 of your comments are neither buried or moderated. Popular is your middle name!
Today, I went to buy a cake for my daughter's birthday. She really loves Twilight, so I decided to get her a vampire-related cake. I wrote down "fangs" as a decoration. The baker thought it said "wangs". My 10 year old daughter's cake has wangs all over it. Her party is tomorrow morning. FML
I agree, your life sucks (36870) - you deserved it (7898)
On 08/08/2009 at 12:04am - misc - by TheCake - United States (Florida)
Today, I got a call from my parents' divorce lawyer. When I answered the phone, she thought I was my mother and told me the details about my parent's divorce. I'm a 13-year-old boy who sounds like a woman and just learned that my parents are separating. FML
I agree, your life sucks (52882) - you deserved it (2423)
On 08/07/2009 at 11:57pm - misc - by madaskueuchiha (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, a very good platonic friend of mine said he had a question to ask me. Jokingly, I threw my arms around his neck and said 'Oh yes, yes, a thousand times yes!' When I sat back down, I saw tears in his eyes, and he said 'You've made me the happiest man alive' as he pulled a small box out of his coat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20740) - you deserved it (74495)
On 08/06/2009 at 5:25pm - love - by dundundadumb (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, a package came in the mail for a Judith Jones. I told the mail man that no one by that name lived here, and he took the package back. Apparently, that package was the $400 GPS that my boyfriend just purchased on Ebay. The default name on Ebay is Judith Jones, and he forgot to change it. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30352) - you deserved it (6207)
On 08/05/2009 at 11:27am - money - by seylerjj (woman) - United States (Connecticut)
Today, a friend and I drove all the way from Texas to a small town in Colorado to spend an entire uninterrupted night together. Not only did he forget to bring condoms but everything was closed by the time we got into town. We ended up playing cards on the bed instead. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12632) - you deserved it (31439)
On 08/05/2009 at 1:25am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, after a great night of sexual pleasure, I ran to answer the door. The angry woman standing there introduced herself. ''Hi, I'm your neighbor. My seven year old son's bedroom is just next to yours and when you scream at night he gets scared. Do you think you could keep it down?'' FML
I agree, your life sucks (36106) - you deserved it (23938)
On 08/02/2009 at 11:12am - intimacy - by kmb04 (woman) - Canada (Quebec)
Today, I discovered that I have developed an allergy to salt water on my face. Now, every time I sweat or cry, I come up in a bright red rash. I am allergic to my own bodily fluids. FML
I agree, your life sucks (53069) - you deserved it (2295)
On 08/02/2009 at 8:45am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)
Today, I gave my wife of four years a special anniversary gift: a red rose dipped in liquid gold so that she would cherish and admire it forever. She told me it was too "Italian" looking. I now have a hundred dollar rose sitting in my office. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44312) - you deserved it (5244)
On 07/31/2009 at 12:02pm - love - by WiltedFlower (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, my family took me to a wig store saying I wouldn't feel so insecure about being bald because of my chemo treatments. When I told them I accepted myself and didn't want a wig, they came out and told me THEY couldn't accept it. My own family is embarrassed of me over something I can't control. FML
I agree, your life sucks (76412) - you deserved it (2308)
On 07/31/2009 at 5:35am - misc - by Betrayed (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I discovered that my cheating, stealing ex boyfriend is posting pictures of naked women having group sex, with my face photoshopped onto them. He sent those to my boss, my friends, my family, only because I refused to bail his drunken self out of jail a couple weeks ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (59126) - you deserved it (5171)
On 07/31/2009 at 4:36am - intimacy - by Spadiethestar (woman) - France (Haute-Normandie)
Today, my wife found out my son masturbated and wanted to send him to counseling. Thinking she was overreacting, I told her I masturbated when I was a teen so he should turn out like me. She began sobbing uncontrollably. FML
I agree, your life sucks (54238) - you deserved it (5891)
On 07/29/2009 at 12:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Vermont)
Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (44909) - you deserved it (1854)
On 07/29/2009 at 2:22am - misc - by Beefballs (man) - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, I showed by ID to get into a bar and the bouncer kept it because he said it wasn't me. It was. Apparently I've gained so much weight I am unrecognizable. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30701) - you deserved it (10749)
On 07/29/2009 at 1:53am - misc - by jcesom - United States (West Virginia)
Today, I was taking a shower when my boyfriend suddenly hopped in with me. We were getting a little frisky when my mom's hand unexpectedly came through the curtain, and dropped a condom in the bottom of the shower, all the while saying, "Keep it safe kids!". FML
I agree, your life sucks (47877) - you deserved it (21890)
On 07/21/2009 at 3:45pm - intimacy - by uh-oh (woman) - United States (New Mexico)
Today, I got a letter in the mail about my periodic health assessment for active duty Soldiers. I came back positive for two curable STD's that are extremely common on Fort Polk. I haven't had sex with anyone but my wife. FML
I agree, your life sucks (63633) - you deserved it (3023)
On 07/19/2009 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by kareed3 (man) - United States (Louisiana)
Friday 24 May 2013
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