Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

SHAMUS_the_WITTY

Offline (one hour ago) | Search for a member

SHAMUS_the_WITTY

0Liked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 August 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 8125
  • Number of comments : 383
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About SHAMUS_the_WITTY : http://www.facebook.com/ChurchOfTheCowOverlords

Like it up, page I run (I'm Overlord). Satirical comedy, we're building a fanbase.

Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's page activity

Visits<b>YouMadBra</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 6:26pm<b>pilusepi</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 3:43pm<b>Im_a_GOAT</b> - the 09/17/2014 at 1:40pm<b>toomanyidiots</b> - the 09/16/2014 at 2:13am<b>metalscales</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 10:51pm<b>SampleSext</b> - the 09/15/2014 at 9:20pm<b>yoursmileishawt</b> - the 09/08/2014 at 12:18am<b>Melonxo</b> - the 08/04/2014 at 11:13pm<b>llamasbederpin</b> - the 07/18/2014 at 6:02pm<b>spencr</b> - the 07/04/2014 at 10:45pm<b>leonlee2002</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 10:37pm<b>thefavoredbrony</b> - the 06/27/2014 at 4:02pm<b>pumpkinpii</b> - the 06/21/2014 at 3:07am<b>coolio4120</b> - the 05/17/2014 at 11:31am<b>zeriously95</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 5:05pm<b>hunteryager</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 1:14pm<b>aa1717</b> - the 05/01/2014 at 10:15am<b>callmefireman</b> - the 04/20/2014 at 1:28am

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's FML badges

Socialite

You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

See all of SHAMUS_the_WITTY's badges

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's favorite FMLs

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

#20501411
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29710) - you deserved it (4061)

On 02/10/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by must be adopted (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my little sister chased me around the house with a mallet, giggling like a maniac. I ended up having to pin her to the ground, rip the mallet out of her hand and lock her in the bathroom. This isn't the first time. My mom still insists it's perfectly normal. FML

#20500833
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33004) - you deserved it (2593)

On 02/10/2013 at 11:17am - kids - by littlemiss - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was rehearsing for a school play. My drama teacher keeps criticising the part where I fake-trip, saying I make it look terribly fake. During today's rehearsal, I actually tripped for real, and smashed my kneecaps against the floor with a scream. He still said my "acting" sucked. FML

#20498655
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29198) - you deserved it (2483)

On 02/08/2013 at 8:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Netherlands (Zuid-Holland)

Today, I was playing Slender, when I caught a glimpse of the Slenderman. I jumped in my chair, letting rip a huge fart in the process. Nobody heard it, but only because my shrieks of terror drowned out the sound. FML

#20498426
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21689) - you deserved it (8426)

On 02/08/2013 at 4:59pm - misc - by theydidsmellitthough (man) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

#20497837
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57360) - you deserved it (10863)

On 02/08/2013 at 2:13am - intimacy - by mydadsgonnakillme (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I pointed out to my boyfriend how Valentine's day, my birthday, and our one-year anniversary were all coming up in the next few weeks. He then promptly broke up with me. FML

#20497809
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34406) - you deserved it (8210)

On 02/08/2013 at 1:24am - love - by katelynm - United States

Today, I was at an estate sale of my neighbor who recently passed. I recognized many items for sale that I had ordered or won on eBay from the past 8 years. Turns out the little old lady had been stealing my mail for close to a decade. FML

#20496903
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37774) - you deserved it (3404)

On 02/07/2013 at 10:24am - misc - by GarageSallin (man) -

Today, my manager asked me for the password to my Internet so she could Skype family since she can't pay her bill. This is the same woman who just a week ago tried to evict me because my rent was an hour late. Trying to be the bigger person, I gave her the password. She changed my password. FML

#20496640
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30900) - you deserved it (16350)

On 02/07/2013 at 1:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML

Today, I learned that my big, tough, strong dog is terrified of spiders when he jumped, knocked over a table and then peed on the spider to drown it. FML

#20495511
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30271) - you deserved it (4338)

On 02/06/2013 at 8:59am - animals - by DogLover (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to a club with my girlfriend and her buddies. An hour in, I saw her making out with a guy on the dance floor, so I confronted her. She stormed off to the bar and said something to her friend, who then came over and angrily slapped me across the face. Yeah, I'm confused too. FML

#20490582
176 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47889) - you deserved it (3310)

On 02/02/2013 at 6:03pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Belgium

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

#20490556
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38224) - you deserved it (4956)

On 02/02/2013 at 5:34pm - love - by rani (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I went on a date with a very cute girl. It went well, until I accidentally called the blueberries in her dessert Oran Berries. I sheepishly explained that they're a berry from the Pokémon universe, at which point she excused herself, never to return. FML

#20490478
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22185) - you deserved it (34453)

On 02/02/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by Brock (man) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I discovered the true meaning of being scared shitless. My father in a clown costume emerged from my closet. Needless to say something emerged from me. FML

Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML

#20488428
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38302) - you deserved it (2154)

On 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm - work - by Fireguy92 (man) - United States (Michigan)



Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Korrig'Anne's illustrated FML
  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: