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About SHAMUS_the_WITTY :
Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
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The Thumb strikes back
You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.
Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML
Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML
Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML
Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML
Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML
Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML
Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML
Today, while on patrol with my partner, we came across a guy getting a beat-down on the sidewalk. After restraining the attacker, we helped the victim to his feet, only for him to spit at us and call us "goddamn pigs". You're welcome, sir. FML
Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML
Friday 2 October 2015