Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?


Offline (6 hours ago) | Search for a member



  • Town/Country : Arc, France
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Thursday 2 August 1990 (25 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 17724
  • Number of comments : 410
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 10 posted

About SHAMUS_the_WITTY :
Shamus is the nickname I've had from my friends since I was 14 years old. I grew up in southern Alabama, and am attending college at LSU. IMHO, New Orleans is amazing

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's page activity

Visits<b>tgodluke</b> - the 11/04/2015 at 8:30pm<b>Mewling_Quim</b> - the 10/23/2015 at 2:47am<b>Cookie_Overlord</b> - the 10/20/2015 at 8:15pm<b>xninix</b> - the 10/11/2015 at 11:06pm<b>CandienInEurope</b> - the 09/01/2015 at 9:07pm<b>slingerslasher</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 4:01am<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 3:23am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 1:00am<b>XPhoenixFire</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 3:26pm<b>yaboigabe</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 1:29pm<b>Vintage_Cola</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 11:53am<b>symfora</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:33am<b>chriss2015</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 10:09am<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 9:40am<b>blaacbird</b> - the 08/29/2015 at 7:07am<b>Lukewarm_Grandma</b> - the 08/02/2015 at 1:17am<b>maydayyparade</b> - the 07/30/2015 at 12:24pm<b>theswanlake</b> - the 07/28/2015 at 8:55am

Fucked!<b>dying_to_know</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 9:23am<b>Hop6e</b> - the 08/30/2015 at 7:00am<b>ScratchCatPower</b> - the 05/29/2015 at 12:34pm<b>TheTshirt</b> - the 04/02/2015 at 3:28pm<b>patrickalamo</b> - the 02/01/2015 at 7:32am<b>WoldowJR</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 6:59pm<b>emmaaadotcom</b> - the 11/01/2014 at 11:06pm<b>mintyowlgirl</b> - the 10/18/2014 at 1:29am

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.


You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…

The Thumb strikes back

You have left your thumbprint on 2500 comments.

See all of SHAMUS_the_WITTY's badges

SHAMUS_the_WITTY's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to blackmail my dad by threatening to tell mom about the bong and weed he keeps hidden in the garage. Turns out she already knew about it and neither of them give a shit. Now I'm grounded until the new year. FML


I agree, your life sucks (19068) - you deserved it (35861)

On 11/08/2014 at 3:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told my four-year-old sister that "fatass" means "beautiful lady." I didn't know about this until I took my sister shopping with me. The woman at the till said she was adorable; my sister replied, "Thanks, fatass." FML


I agree, your life sucks (34390) - you deserved it (3136)

On 10/31/2014 at 6:55am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Rhondda Cynon Taff)

Today, my 9-year-old daughter was acting out and wouldn't do her homework. I told her that if she didn't study, she wouldn't get her acceptance letter from Hogwarts. She looked into my eyes, straight through to my soul and said, "Hogwarts isn't real, retard." FML


I agree, your life sucks (37379) - you deserved it (13639)

On 10/18/2014 at 3:29pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in the missionary position. Once again, our cat decided to crawl onto his back and stare at me. FML


I agree, your life sucks (38363) - you deserved it (5488)

On 10/13/2014 at 6:20am - intimacy - by Drafrica (woman) - South Africa

Today, I overheard my daughter talking to her boyfriend over the phone about having sex. She said, "You have to piss on me to get me pregnant, that's what I heard anyway." She's 16. FML


I agree, your life sucks (48298) - you deserved it (11176)

On 10/04/2014 at 3:52pm - intimacy - by SadMother - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML


I agree, your life sucks (47509) - you deserved it (3081)

On 09/05/2014 at 10:36pm - work - by crop circle galore - United States

Today, a customer cussed me out for hiding behind the counter a jacket she's been "eyeing since it came out". She loudly exclaimed that she was going to report me to my manager and get me "fired." It was my personal jacket that we don't even sell. FML

Today, I was bored at work, so I started browsing the Internet. While I was on my Facebook page, my boss tagged me in a status: "I've been standing behind you for ten minutes." FML


I agree, your life sucks (23826) - you deserved it (49104)

On 05/08/2014 at 7:46pm - work - by notbrowsingnow (man) - United States

Today, I found out the reason our toilet paper has been disappearing so fast recently isn't because my son is wanking like a gibbon as I first thought. He's just been using our shredder to make streamers out of the stuff, then hiding it all in a box in his closet. Fucking hell, son. FML


I agree, your life sucks (39448) - you deserved it (4313)

On 05/02/2014 at 10:04am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while I was making dinner, my husband argued that our new dog has intelligence issues, and we should give him away. I angrily defended the poor thing, and had almost won, until the dog walked over and licked the inside of the hot oven door. FML


I agree, your life sucks (45510) - you deserved it (5920)

On 04/30/2014 at 1:17am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was out drinking with some colleagues, when one started ranting about some pretty sensitive subjects. There were some Latino guys nearby, and as soon as he said "I'm not racist, but..." I tried to casually get the hell out of there. We all got the crap beaten out of us anyway. FML


I agree, your life sucks (42388) - you deserved it (6652)

On 04/25/2014 at 7:45pm - health - by fuck you, Jeff (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend turned down a job that would have more than doubled his income because he didn't want to upset his current boss by quitting. FML

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend, his response was, "I'll start watching pregnant porn to build up an attraction to it." FML


I agree, your life sucks (55356) - you deserved it (8074)

On 04/12/2014 at 1:24am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my dad hit his mid-life crisis. When I came home and said hi, he told me to shut up, then went to the living room. He then lit up a cigarette and started muttering about having to put up with me, then went into a coughing fit, because he's never smoked before in his life. FML


I agree, your life sucks (43437) - you deserved it (3212)

On 04/11/2014 at 12:38pm - misc - by Cuntlette (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my mom brought her sleazy boyfriend home. He took one look at me, swatted my ass, and said, "It runs in the family." My mom just laughed and winked at me, and mouthed, "He's a keeper!" FML


I agree, your life sucks (60746) - you deserved it (4204)

On 04/03/2014 at 1:22pm - love - by wiona (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

C comme Line's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Céline's illustrated FML
  • Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can…

Friday 27 November 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: