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Today, I told my boyfriend how happy I was with him. He responded by pulling down his pants and slapping his ass. I have no idea what that was supposed to mean. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18714) - you totally deserved it (3137)
On 11/12/2009 at 2:11am - love - by neuroticallyours (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, a girl I've liked for several years gave me her number. Finally, I worked up the courage to call her. It was a suicide help line. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27896) - you totally deserved it (1919)
On 10/25/2009 at 4:48pm - love - by Kin (man) - United States (California)
Today, I had to take a dump. While looking for a book to read, I sneezed. The force of the sneeze caused me to shit my pants. The glob of dung then ran down my leg before falling out of my shorts onto my carpet, all in less than 5 seconds. Nothing in my life has prepared me for this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (29501) - you totally deserved it (4111)
On 10/14/2009 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was talking and joking with my boyfriend. He said "Hey wanna hear a joke?" I said "Yes." He said, "Our relationship." and walked away. He seriously dumped me through a one-liner. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31732) - you totally deserved it (2588)
On 09/27/2009 at 9:16pm - love - by screwwyou (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I spent hours trying to get a piece of food out of my two front teeth. I didn't have anything I could use, until I went out to dinner and got a toothpick. I finally got the food out of teeth. The toothpick broke. Now the tip of the toothpick is stuck in my teeth. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27140) - you totally deserved it (5062)
On 08/16/2009 at 1:19am - misc - by stupidtoothpick2 (woman) - United States (California)
Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild" FML
I agree, your life sucks (54583) - you totally deserved it (1713)
On 08/04/2009 at 8:02am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Singapore
Today, in an effort to seduce my husband, I laid in bed caressing myself. He walked in, looked at me, and said "is the ground beef in the freezer still good?" and when I answered "yes," he turned and walked out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39522) - you totally deserved it (3481)
On 06/07/2009 at 3:14pm - misc - by szinna - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was scolding my 8 year old son because he was getting bad grades in school. I told him that he should get straight A's like his friend Ceejay. He told me that comparing him to Ceejay was unfair and when I asked why he said, "Because his dad is actually smart." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10863) - you totally deserved it (38505)
On 05/21/2009 at 12:35am - kids - by tomandjerry (man) - United States (California)
Today, I was instructed by my boss to welcome the 2 new foreign business partners since I am the only one who could speak their language. When they arrived I greeted them in their language. One of them scratched his head and asked his companion in plain and clear English, "What did he say?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (20820) - you totally deserved it (2884)
On 02/15/2009 at 1:21am - misc - by Salaryman (man) - Philippines (Rizal)
Today, I surprise my girlfriend by turning up at her flat on her twenty-fourth birthday. She gets up from the couch as I enter and I shout: "Tonight, my cock is going to stab you twenty-four times!" (Okay, that's not smart). That's when her father glances over from the couch and greets me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4572) - you totally deserved it (28906)
On 12/13/2008 at 10:58pm - intimacy - by Mateo - France (Ile-de-France)
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