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Rypie069's FML badges
That was your 500th “you totally deserved it” vote. We admire your dedication.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
Who’s the fairest of them all?
This is now the third time you’ve changed your profile pic.
Rypie069's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 06/07/2014 at 1:15am / United States (North Carolina) / Work
Today, I took my girlfriend out to eat at a diner where my friend works. My friend was our waiter but too busy to talk much. He texted me after we'd left to tell me that my girlfriend had slipped him her number. FML
by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 3:15am / United States (Texas) / Love
Today, I went to the pharmacy to buy condoms. My card was declined, and I had to stand and watch in morbid fascination as the man behind me kindly paid for my purchase. His reason was "God forbid a maxed out Visa should get in the way of fucking." FML
by Samprib / 06/01/2013 at 1:09am / United States (Indiana) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 05/28/2013 at 7:01pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend of 2 weeks said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza that he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said, "Oh I hate this part", reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. He is 24. FML
by Anonymous / 04/11/2013 at 11:42am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate. I was getting pretty horny, and I thought some dirty talk would turn him on. Amid my panting, I breathed the words, "Fuck me." He then stopped and said, "Excuse me, I don't like hearing that language." and wouldn't continue until I corrected myself. FML
by Anonymous / 12/24/2012 at 8:32am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by holyshitbatman / 09/22/2012 at 10:06am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy
by Just_Me_88 / 08/18/2012 at 1:09am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous
Today, after I went to collect my pay for babysitting, the girl's dad pulled the old "Can I pay you in Trident Layers?" bull on me. Hoping to show that I wasn't going to play ball, I told him that watching his gran inhale a cock would be funnier. If scowls could kill... FML
by Anonymous / 11/25/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Nevada) / Money
Today, I had to take my dog to the vet for him to be put to sleep. I could feel the cold, hard shaft of irony slide its way up my ass and slowly fuck me senseless with every step I took on this beautiful National Dog Day. FML
by Anonymous / 08/26/2011 at 1:49pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 08/12/2011 at 6:40am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation
by Username / 06/19/2011 at 2:08pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Gabriel A / 01/14/2011 at 11:05pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was watching TV with my grandpa, and he stopped flipping channels on a movie with a hot naked chick getting oiled down. Suddenly the remote landed on my stomach as my mom and grandma walked in. They yelled at me for being a pervert for an hour, while my grandpa sat and chuckled. FML
by Andrew / 09/24/2010 at 6:22am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous
by smellyfeet / 06/01/2010 at 12:19pm / United Kingdom (Wolverhampton) / Intimacy
- 1Today, my neighbor's 4-year-old daughter came up to me and asked if she could have my dog. When I… 2Today, after working for Uber for a few weeks I realized that my driver rating was dropping. After… 3Today, I moved three hours away from my boyfriend for college. Even though he got accepted to the…