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Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed 4 my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. mega FML
Today, I Was Playing With Mah Phone After Midnight, An I Kept Getting Calls From A Withheld Number . The Guy Just Breathed Heavily An Wouldn't Speak . When The Thrd Call Came, I Asked ( Who The Hell R You? ) The Call Ended, An Mah Dad Yelled From Outside Mah Door: ( ME! Now Go To Sleep! ) FML
Today, I went down on mah boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I lerened . I read in a magazine that if you humhile giving oral, it's supposed to feel good . My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds cuz I reminded him of his singing toothbrush . FML
I almost got run over on mah bike by a truck who raced through a red light!! After narrowly avoiding a collision, the car slowed down!! Instead of apologizing fir almost killing me, the driver stuck his head out of the window and yelled, "Nice ass!" looool FML
Today, I was in a bathroom stall an I accidentally dropped mah new tampon on the ground . Just as I was about to reach for looool it, I heard a voice on the other side of the stall say, "Oh great, I needed that" an then a hand reached under mah stall an grabbed it . It was mah last one .
Today, my dumbass colleague was too lazy to go buy balloons 4 a party in recognition of our company's huge merger!! Instead, he made condom balloons!! Let's just say you don't make blow up condoms 4 a prestigious company event!! A company whose CEO is named Dick!! looool FML
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written ( Obama is a beautiful chocolate man ) to every essay question. FML
Friday 27 March 2015