Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

RufusBarbarossa

Offline (the 02/08/2016 at 2:36pm) | Search for a member

RufusBarbarossa

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 534
  • Number of comments : 11
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 2 posted

This member hasn't filled in the description.

RufusBarbarossa's page activity

Visits<b>Ingalls9</b> - the 11/20/2014 at 8:59pm<b>olpally</b> - the 02/11/2014 at 9:20pm

RufusBarbarossa's FML badges

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

Why am I up so early?

You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.

Checking you out

You checked out the profile page belonging to one of the last people to have a look at your profile.

See all of RufusBarbarossa's badges

RufusBarbarossa's favorite FMLs

Today, my dad got drunk and decided to fix everything in the house he thought was broken. Now the oven won't cook, half the floorboards from the stairs are piled in the garden, we put the TV back together but now it is stuck on mute, and we still have no idea where he has put my bedroom door. FML

#21509147
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20342) - you deserved it (1266)

On 12/29/2015 at 6:52pm - misc - by bob the builders pissed off daughter (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my daughter fell asleep early, so my husband and I decided to get frisky. He passed out mid blow job. FML

#21508603
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21149) - you deserved it (2468)

On 12/28/2015 at 12:43am - intimacy - by ThreeWeeksWithoutSex - United States (California)

Today, I walked in on my 13-year-old sister cutting her pubic hair with scissors. After a long talk about what on earth she was doing, she confessed to doing it so her boyfriend could find her clitoris. FML

#21507957
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (2280)

On 12/26/2015 at 12:40am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

Today, a customer left a Starbucks card in the tip jar at work. It was empty. I work at Starbucks. FML

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53989) - you deserved it (10696)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my superior gave me a box of ethernet cables which were previously attached to mainframes storing classified data. He requested I cut them in half so that the residual data would leak out. Not only does this guy make twice my salary, there was no convincing him otherwise. We cut them up. FML

Today, my boyfriend dumped me, accusing me of lying to him about "being a hermaphrodite". His almost total lack of knowledge about female anatomy led him to believe that my clitoris is actually an extremely tiny penis. FML

#20723435
261 comments

I agree, your life sucks (65211) - you deserved it (5871)

On 06/13/2013 at 12:19pm - intimacy - by Hannah (woman) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my wife shaved her pubic hair so that it resembles Hitler's mustache. She won't stop referring to it as "the Clitler". FML

#20637691
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64972) - you deserved it (9795)

On 05/02/2013 at 8:50pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend and I were in the mood for something different. So we decided to have sex in the shower. When we were finished I heard a voice outside the door asking if we needed a towel. It was my mother. FML

#20401581
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35136) - you deserved it (17707)

On 12/16/2012 at 1:25am - intimacy - by Steve - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I tried role playing with my boyfriend. As I came out in sexy lingerie, I announced, "I'm Natalia, a Russian spy fluent in 2 languages: Russian and your cock." He laughed so hard he practically pissed himself. The night ended in me doing his laundry. Alone. FML

#20119371
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35200) - you deserved it (19743)

On 10/16/2012 at 8:36am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I injured myself in the geekiest way possible; I managed to crush my nipple while closing my laptop. FML

#20090663
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23338) - you deserved it (6891) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 09/27/2012 at 12:10am - health - by Display - Sent from mobile version

Today, I'm apparently so desperate for companionship that my body has subconsciously synced my period with the girl who works in the cubicle adjacent to mine. FML

#20044589
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (2780)

On 08/27/2012 at 2:20pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after my boyfriend and I had gotten frisky last night, I found a note on the front door of my building that read, "Dear girl in apartment 3D, from now on please close the blinds all the way or lose 30 pounds. Either would be acceptable." FML

#20012782
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33835) - you deserved it (17633)

On 08/10/2012 at 1:29am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Europe

Today, I received a string of blank texts from an unknown number. When I asked who it was, I got a list of every place I've been over the last three days. I'm scared to leave the house. FML

#18760852
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45941) - you deserved it (2523)

On 01/09/2012 at 9:34pm - misc - by liLbob6598 - United States (South Carolina)



FML's blog

  • Eni's illustrated FML
  • Greetings worshipers of lines and colours! This week, with the help of a talented young illustrator we’re checking kids out. No, not like that. Damn, that sounded bad. We’re taking a different look a…

Friday 12 February 2016

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: