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I’m your new creative director
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Why am I up so early?
You commented on an FML between 6 and 7 am.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
RubbarDuckie's favorite FMLs
Today, I found out that my husband thinks its okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing". The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML
by j.b. / 12/02/2009 at 12:57am / United States (New Jersey) / Love
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
by xXxJoe16xXx / 12/01/2009 at 4:11pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by WhyTheEff / 11/20/2009 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by bananaface / 11/16/2009 at 2:29am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by unengaged / 11/14/2009 at 1:19pm / United States (Texas) / Love
by WhatWentWrong / 11/11/2009 at 7:49pm / United States (Florida) / Love
Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML
by Anonymous / 10/23/2009 at 11:15am / Netherlands (Flevoland) / Love
Today, I told my 13 year old daughter that she was grounded from using her phone. Later on, I get an important call regarding a job that I have been after. After I'd picked up the phone, my daughter starts screaming "HELP! RAPE! HELP!" on the other phone. I don't think I'll be getting the job. FML
by MGZ / 10/18/2009 at 10:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids
by noo / 10/11/2009 at 6:54am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love
by mushroommouth / 10/01/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/01/2009 at 1:56am / Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador) / Intimacy
Today, I talked to a girl on the phone who had previously told me her last relationship "ended very badly." I said, "So let me guess, that jerk cheated on you?" She paused for a few moments and finally replied, "No, he died in a motorcycle accident." FML
by Greg / 09/28/2009 at 1:34pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him by handing me a ring and telling me, "Okay we're engaged now." I should have seen it coming when we started dating, I went to his house one night and as I was leaving he said, "Okay you're my girlfriend now." FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2009 at 12:27am / United States (Oklahoma) / Love
Today, I got a client who ordered ice cream. She seemed really nice and I thought maybe she was into me. When I asked if she wanted peanuts for an additional 50 cents, she said no. Trying to be nice, I added them anyway free of charge. I later had to call the ambulance. She was allergic. FML
by FreeOfCharge / 09/21/2009 at 2:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Love
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
by JhKhS / 09/14/2009 at 6:05am / United Kingdom (Devon) / Money
- Today, at work, a customer left their cell phone behind. I tried to see if there were any pictures… Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going… Today, I was handling corrosive chemicals when I accidentally spilled a beaker of Hydrochloric Acid…
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m a French teacher in Ukraine, and in class we were debating gun legislation. In order to… Today, I truly understood that I was in Germany when, in my workplace, during our lunch break, one…