About RootedPumpkin : About me?!
I'm a little bit shy, but once you get to know me, I'm actually pretty silly.
I'm pretty open minded, regardless of your religion and what not.
I watch Adventure Time. It's great. Wanna know me better? Message me.
About RootedPumpkin : About me?!
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RootedPumpkin's favorite FMLs
by guess I'm stuck / 04/16/2013 at 3:23am / United States (California) / Love
Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML
by Anonymous / 04/14/2013 at 9:29am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, for the first time, I told my girlfriend of two months that I love her. She broke down in laughter and mockingly asked, "What are you, some kind of queer?" I could've sworn she was mentally older than a 5-year-old when I asked her out. I guess not. FML
by Anonymous / 04/12/2013 at 5:35pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love
by unknown / 04/07/2013 at 1:01pm / Canada (Quebec) / Miscellaneous
by incendiaaa / 02/24/2013 at 6:17am / Australia / Animals
Today, my dad took me to the empty parking lot of Wal-Mart to try driving for the first time. All was well until he shouted at me for going too slow, which startled me into jerking the wheel and simultaneously stomping on the gas. I don't think Geico covers a Wal-Mart-sized dent in one's car. FML
by gilbirds / 02/06/2013 at 7:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Transportation
by I'maboutobarf / 01/31/2013 at 5:28am / Australia / Health
Today, I met with my Bolivian friend, who's vacationing here for a few weeks. Eager to show him how welcoming we are in the USA, I took him home and introduced him to my parents. The first words out of my dad's mouth were, "Bolivia? That's in Europe, right? We saved your asses in World War 2." FML
by oh ffs / 01/24/2013 at 8:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by LaLince / 01/19/2013 at 1:14am / Switzerland / Transportation
Today, in the midst of his ongoing mid-life crisis, my dad forced me to accompany him for some father-son bonding. The bonding involved me driving us away at high speed after he gleefully hurled a bucket of paint all over a store window. FML
by theslutmuncher / 12/14/2012 at 6:20pm / Germany (Sachsen-Anhalt) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mom bitched me out and threatened to send me to a Bible camp, after catching me admiring a photo of a bikini model, which is apparently "immoral behavior." This is the same woman who cheated on my dad twice, justifying it by claiming the devil tempted her. FML
by sonofahypocriticalwhore / 12/07/2012 at 12:06pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by strawberrywine22 / 09/27/2012 at 10:14pm / United States (California) / Love
Today, my mom heard on TV that teens need at least ten hours of sleep a day. Now she makes me go to bed at 7pm. I told her I can't finish my homework in time, and my grades will suffer. She wouldn't listen. Last week, she threatened to punish me if I don't get straight As this semester. FML
by Anonymous / 09/23/2012 at 1:28pm / Hungary (Budapest) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend started a huge fight with me over how I don't have the right to have close female friends anymore. She ended up storming off, and won't return my calls. But no worries: she did just play the word "murder" in our game of Words With Friends. Very comforting. FML
by larSON5 / 08/15/2012 at 12:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother screamed at my boyfriend, calling him an "evil piece of self-centred trash". He's a sweet guy who does volunteer work for kids with learning difficulties. She's a bitter, passive-aggressive telemarketer who constantly harasses her own family with sales calls. FML
by millie219 / 08/13/2012 at 11:20am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Love
- Today, I decided to go down on my girlfriend. In the midst of her orgasm, she grabbed my head with… Today, my hormones are so screwed, I popped a boner at the sight of two grasshoppers mating and had… Today, my boyfriend told me that he had sex with my sister, but it's ok because I'm better in bed.…