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RootbeerKitty

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RootbeerKitty
  • Town/Country : USA
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 230
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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RootbeerKitty's favorite FMLs

Today, my sister was "sexting" her boyfriend over Apple messages. Since we share an iTunes account the messages appeared on my iPod. Apparently, he shouldn't be silly, and should wrap his willy. FML

#19841077
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24135) - you deserved it (2720)

On 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm - intimacy - by Addison - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

#19778699
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23314) - you deserved it (1860)

On 06/12/2012 at 8:24pm - love - by Az (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my grandmother saw me for the first time in years. "Not all your clothes have to be as tight as condoms, you tramp," is probably the nicest greeting she's ever given me. FML

#19775546
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25401) - you deserved it (7857)

On 06/12/2012 at 7:58am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Maine)

Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML

#19734981
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24468) - you deserved it (2608)

On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I woke up to a glorious sunrise. I stood up, took a moment to soak up some sunlight, and then spent the next hour too scared to go make my morning coffee, after my mother loudly moaned, "Ah yeah, give it to me, Woody!" from down the hall. FML

#19721854
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20639) - you deserved it (1463)

On 06/02/2012 at 4:31pm - intimacy - by huh (woman) - United Kingdom (South Ayrshire)

Today, I was driving home, when some kid on a motorbike shot in front of me from the pavement, almost running me off the road. When I confronted him, he screamed, "Watch where you're going next time!" If I could flush every last one of these human turds from the toilet of life, I would. FML

#19698892
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14341) - you deserved it (2613)

On 05/29/2012 at 1:10pm - misc - by cunting cunts (man) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I asked my dad why there were no photos of me on the wall. He replied, "Every time you disappoint us we burn one." FML

#19586113
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27520) - you deserved it (4462)

On 05/07/2012 at 5:51am - misc - by N (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, as I turned the shower on, I got covered in gravy. Turns out, my friends had unscrewed the shower head, filled it with gravy granules, then screwed it back on. FML

#19319473
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22279) - you deserved it (2559)

On 03/21/2012 at 7:46am - health - by J Rush - United Kingdom (Powys)

Today, trying to pocket a little extra cash for himself, my dad responded to multiple babysitting ads on Craigslist, accepting them all on my behalf. I despise children with all my heart. FML

#18985606
231 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23336) - you deserved it (7845)

On 02/03/2012 at 5:49pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

#18650275
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23952) - you deserved it (3545)

On 12/30/2011 at 1:35am - love - by wellthatsawkward (woman) - United States (Utah)

Today, I stayed up until 4 am. I was waiting for both my cats to fall asleep, so I could play Santa and stuff their stockings in secret. FML

#18605439
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14650) - you deserved it (45865)

On 12/25/2011 at 6:39am - animals - by Anonymoose (woman) - Switzerland (Zurich)

Today, I made a fake Facebook account for a girl, and then set my relationship status to make it look like the fake person was my girlfriend. Someone found out and hacked the fake account. My fake girlfriend just dumped me over Facebook. FML

#18547813
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9138) - you deserved it (56058)

On 12/18/2011 at 8:24pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (Alabama)

Today, after rocking my one-year old daughter for nearly two hours, she finally fell asleep. As I went to leave her room, I stubbed my toe. I now have a broken toe, a screaming child, and a wife who will be so proud that her daughter's first word is "FUCK!" FML

#18531059
182 comments

Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML

#18279694
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29770) - you deserved it (3709)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:22am - work - by Anothernametaken (man) - United States

Today, I was on a train when we hit and killed a person. We were stalled for 4 hours. The guy sitting next to me asked what I did for a living, so I told him that I'm a vet tech. Then he showed me his infected elbow. FML

#17620376
0 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21611) - you deserved it (2513)

On 08/30/2011 at 10:51am - misc - by Anonymous - United States



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