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RoboCunnilingus

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RoboCunnilingus

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  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Wednesday 18 April 1990 (24 years)
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 2354
  • Number of comments : 448
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 1 posted

About RoboCunnilingus : I don't want to open up. If I tell you what's on my coconut, it'll confuse both of us.

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RoboCunnilingus's favorite FMLs

Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML

Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

#20804720
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64940) - you deserved it (6590)

On 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm - intimacy - by awkward (woman) - United States (California)

Today, one of my cats gave birth. My other cat responded by eating the new litter in a jealous rage, then got indigestion and vomited. I had to clean up regurgitated kittens. FML

Today, my girlfriend was sitting on my lap at a birthday party. She thought it would be funny to fart. I came instantly. FML

#20785133
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59537) - you deserved it (21005)

On 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm - intimacy - by needsnewshorts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML

#20742729
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42857) - you deserved it (4100)

On 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm - misc - by welp, time to become an assassin (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I lost my car keys, so I asked my ex-husband if he still had his spare to my car. He said he'd send it. I got an empty envelope with a troll face on it. There's a reason I left him. FML

#20738006
120 comments

Today, I witnessed an elderly lady getting mugged. I ran over to the guy mugging her and offered him the money in my wallet in return for him leaving her alone. The old lady snatched my money and ran away with the mugger. What the hell just happened? FML

#20733745
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53072) - you deserved it (8724)

On 06/18/2013 at 6:01pm - money - by No money, mo' problems - United States

Today, I went to a bar for some drinks. A guy looked me up and down, gave me a suggestive smile, then asked for my name and number. I'd have been a little less creeped out if he hadn't been standing beside me at the urinal the whole time. FML

#20728225
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47770) - you deserved it (3812) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 06/15/2013 at 6:24pm - love - by Sovekipisse (man) - France (Pays de la Loire)

Today, I got a concussion and several staples in my head. As it turns out, watering flowers is much more dangerous than it might sound. FML

#20716424
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36591) - you deserved it (7098)

On 06/09/2013 at 10:27pm - health - by Sean - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to get intimate for the first time. He said he didn't want to use a condom, and that I should just give him one of my birth control pills instead, "so we can still be just as safe". What the hell? FML

#20712090
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66826) - you deserved it (9230)

On 06/07/2013 at 5:20pm - intimacy - by what the fuck (woman) - United Kingdom (Ealing)

Today, I got mugged on the way to my 21st birthday party at a bar. I begged the thug to at least throw me my ID, only to have him laugh and run away singing "happy birthday". FML

#20711068
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55960) - you deserved it (3531)

On 06/07/2013 at 1:14am - money - by ididntevendrinkthatnight - United States (New York)

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

#20693929
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58039) - you deserved it (2994)

On 05/29/2013 at 8:39pm - love - by anonymoose - Australia (South Australia)

Today, and throughout the past week, my electricity, water, cable, and Internet were progressively shut off. Why? Because my deranged mother-in-law has been stealing the money orders I use to pay my bills out of my mailbox. She also stole the late notices because she didn't want me to be "mad". FML

#20678301
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46858) - you deserved it (2988)

On 05/21/2013 at 6:47pm - money - by LightsOut - United States (Florida)



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