About RoboCunnilingus : I don't want to open up. If I tell you what's on my coconut, it'll confuse both of us.
RoboCunnilingus's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
I like your style
You've liked someone. How cute!
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
RoboCunnilingus's favorite FMLs
Today, my friends thought it would be fun to change my dad's name on my phone to my girlfriend's name. Guess who got an erotic text message when standing next to me while in the line to buy groceries. FML
by AnnoyedByFriends / 08/08/2013 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 08/07/2013 at 6:24pm / Egypt / Intimacy
Today, I noticed that my new shampoo had an unfamiliar pink color to it. After some investigation, I found a dead mouse that had apparently cut itself on the bottle pump. I've been washing my hair with mouse blood. FML
by shampoomice / 08/07/2013 at 12:34pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I sprayed down some ants in my house. In the sea of ant corpses was a single living ant seemingly cradling a dead one in its arms. I'm convinced I just became the villain in an epic tragedy. Now I have to live with my ant problem because I can't bear to tear another family apart. FML
by Blood on my hands / 08/07/2013 at 1:40am / United States / Animals
Today, I wore a bikini to the lake with my parents. I didn't know that my back was covered in bruises, and ended up having to awkwardly explain to my parents that I am not in an abusive relationship; the bruises came from the sex I had last night. FML
by Anonymous / 08/05/2013 at 1:58pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend grinning at me, her hand on my junk. I grinned back, then looked down and saw blood smeared all over her hand and my junk. After I started screaming and crying, she laughed and said it was fake blood. She recorded everything. FML
by Anonymous / 08/04/2013 at 3:28pm / United States (Arizona) / Intimacy
Today, I finally talked my boyfriend into going down on me. Everything went well until I came and instinctively gripped his head with my thighs. He panicked and we both rolled off of the bed crocodile-style. Now he's too scared to even have sex with me. FML
by whyeventry? / 08/02/2013 at 12:39am / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
Today, while taking a walk in the forest, someone approached me and asked to borrow the knife I had clipped to my pocket. I happily obliged, assuming he just needed it as a tool. Instead, he used the knife to mug me, taking my cellphone and my wallet. I was robbed with my own knife. FML
by vmml97 / 08/01/2013 at 12:32am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
Today, I crawled into bed with my boyfriend. He was snoring loudly which is how I knew he was passed out cold. Once I was under the blanket next to him, he slowly turned over, stared me straight in the face and said, "I have to kill you". Then started snoring again. FML
by mtr1594 / 07/31/2013 at 2:47am / United States (Nevada) / Love
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "uh-huh," "not too bad," and "yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML
by awkward / 07/26/2013 at 2:00pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by coldstar / 07/18/2013 at 5:06am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Animals
by needsnewshorts / 07/15/2013 at 9:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by SpiderFather / 07/02/2013 at 4:01am / France / Kids
Today, I was playing a video game that required me to hunt a few animals. My mom walked in, saw what I was doing, then went into her psycho vegan mode and started yelling at me. She basically grounded me for "murdering" pixels on a screen. FML
by welp, time to become an assassin / 06/23/2013 at 2:14pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by accountnamevalid / 06/20/2013 at 10:23pm / United States / Transportation