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Why am I up so early?
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Today, I went to the store to buy groceries. I didn't care how I looked, so I wore an old shirt that said, "Thousands of my potential children died on your daughter's face last night." I ran into my girlfriend's parents at the store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (33862) - you deserved it (110038)
On 05/24/2009 at 3:50pm - misc - by helloitsbrian6969 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had my high school reunion. The nerdy guy that I picked on all 4 years had married a Swedish supermodel, then divorced her for a Brazilian supermodel. My girlfriend works at 7-11. Karma sucks. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17936) - you deserved it (196486)
On 05/17/2009 at 4:16pm - misc - by karmasabitch (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (83542) - you deserved it (3660)
On 05/12/2009 at 1:39pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Minnesota)
Today, I realized what my mom has been calling me for 20 years. She always calls me her "little fehler." With her being from Germany, I always thought it was a cute little nickname. Apparently, she's been calling me her "little mistake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (79932) - you deserved it (3525)
On 05/11/2009 at 5:09am - misc - by mistake (man) - United States (Nevada)
Today, I was at a bar talking to a very attractive young woman. I began to see that she wanted me as she pulled closer and closer. Eventually she pulled me in and licked my ear lobe sensually. She then said, "I wanna break your collar bone." in a seductive tone. FML
I agree, your life sucks (56427) - you deserved it (6609)
On 05/06/2009 at 12:13am - love - by Jinthebar (man) - United States (California)
Today, I read a PostSecret that said "I'm afraid my thighs will start to touch soon." My thighs have always touched. I didn't even know thighs weren't supposed to touch. FML
I agree, your life sucks (47910) - you deserved it (8221)
On 04/29/2009 at 12:13am - health - by fat_thighs (woman) - United States (California)
Today, I took the bus to work and a sweet old lady got on after me and sat next to me. Halfway to work, she fell asleep and her head was on my shoulder. Trying to be nice, I gently tried to wake her up before my stop came. She wasn't sleeping. I let a dead woman lie on me for 30 minutes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (564548) - you deserved it (35963)
On 04/13/2009 at 10:11pm - health - by meteorbabe0101 (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I came home to find a sock I previously used to whack off on my bed with googly eyes and a mouth drawn on it with a note that read "Because you can't find a real girl, I made your current one prettier, Love Mom." FML
I agree, your life sucks (203556) - you deserved it (59417)
On 04/02/2009 at 1:13am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, this girl and I were chilling in my apartment and things got heated up and we started making out. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew she was giving me head. I was getting ready to bust when she stopped, looked up into my eyes and said "Do you believe in Jesus?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (165722) - you deserved it (22256)
On 03/26/2009 at 7:41am - intimacy - by JAY22 (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, my mom told my boyfriend all about how she had to be a parent volunteer when I was in kindergarten. Apparently I used to masturbate in class by rubbing myself against the edges of chairs and tables. The teacher thought it would be best if my mom was there to make me stop. FML
I agree, your life sucks (117509) - you deserved it (11136)
On 03/12/2009 at 7:24am - intimacy - by Noname (woman) - New Zealand (Canterbury)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (471332) - you deserved it (585234)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
I agree, your life sucks (471332) - you deserved it (585234)
On 03/09/2009 at 6:58pm - intimacy - by RC3Welly (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18740) - you deserved it (101997)
On 03/05/2009 at 2:33pm - health - by ubbernoob (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, while working on a medical school application, I asked my mom what she thought my greatest challenge in life had been. She replied : "Trying to lose your virginity." FML
I agree, your life sucks (64354) - you deserved it (4800)
On 02/24/2009 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by Dr. Virgin (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Today, I was waiting after work in a parking lot for my ride and was dancing a little to keep warm. Next thing I know the cops pull up to me and said that someone called in to report someone dancing in an empty parking lot. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18208) - you deserved it (1895)
On 01/31/2009 at 7:01pm - misc - by HumanNature - Canada (Ontario)
Monday 17 June 2013
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