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RiverD23's favorite FMLs
Today, my husband left for a two-week trip. Last night he gave the dog a treat of steak fat and gristle. My treat? I am on bed rest with my pregnancy and helpless to stop the rancid dog farts that are silent and smell like a burning septic tank exploded. FML
by fartingdogprego / 07/23/2010 at 9:18am / United States (Texas) / Animals
by Wawawiwa / 07/21/2010 at 7:44pm / Namibia (Windhoek) / Intimacy
by MandMandM / 07/19/2010 at 2:38am / United States (Virginia) / Intimacy
by reckless / 07/17/2010 at 3:34pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy
by knock_out / 07/15/2010 at 9:12pm / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
by PissyPants / 06/20/2010 at 1:12am / United States (California) / Love
Today, I learned that dirty talk does NOT get me off. My boyfriend and I were having sex and I said "I'm going to come" during the beginning of my orgasm. My orgasm immediately stopped right after I said that. I turned myself off. FML
by Anonymous / 06/17/2010 at 6:56pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy
by mperrotta913 / 05/21/2010 at 11:46am / United States (South Carolina) / Intimacy
Today, I was having an affair with a girl from my work. She scratched my back while we were doing it and I didn't want my wife to find out so I threw myself down the stairs at work and ended up having to go to the hospital. FML
by Chichensoup / 05/20/2010 at 10:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Intimacy
Today, I was rushing to leave work and get home because I really had to use the bathroom. My cell phone rang and I thought it was my husband, so I answered by saying, "I really have to poop." Yep, not my husband. It was one of my employees, who has the same name. FML
by BigMouth McRedface / 05/13/2010 at 10:11pm / United States (Texas) / Work
Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
by Hate2Date / 04/05/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
by drew_ar85 / 03/20/2010 at 12:30pm / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 03/03/2010 at 1:37am / United States (California) / Intimacy
by holycow / 02/22/2010 at 4:28am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife came home drunk, telling me all about this amazing man she met at the club with her friends, and how she wanted to have sex with him but couldn't because she was on her period. What a present. FML
by Anonymous / 02/14/2010 at 8:49pm / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy
- 1Today, someone stole my purse and phone while I was giving CPR to someone who had a heart attack on… 2Today, my boyfriend said I didn't give him enough attention because of my busy work life. So… he… 3Today, I was making the daily commute to work when suddenly my mother calls me, crying that there's…
- Today, as my boyfriend and I were getting hot in the bedroom, he stopped right before he entered me… Today, I was at my boyfriend's house, meeting his family for the first time. I was leaning against… Today, I was having sex with this amazingly hot guy. Things got pretty intense, and right as I was…