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RiverD23's favorite FMLs
Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML
by danonno / 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
by hopeless / 07/06/2012 at 1:46am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Uncomfy / 06/22/2012 at 7:01pm / United States (Colorado) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 06/18/2012 at 11:33pm / United States / Intimacy
Today, while I was driving home, some jackass in an open-top sports car overtook us and flipped me off. Just as I overtook him in turn, my wife rolled down her window, pulled out her tampon, and launched it at the kid. I'm not sure who was more horrified: me or him. FML
by 16590 / 06/15/2012 at 6:13pm / Sweden / Transportation
Today, I was joking around with my eight-year-old son. I told him to pull my finger. I farted, then laughed. He decided to try it on his mother. When she pulled his finger, he crapped his pants. He told her I taught him how to do it. FML
by habbsrule / 06/15/2012 at 10:21am / Canada / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML
by oh lord / 05/27/2012 at 12:06pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
by Lonely_Army / 05/25/2012 at 12:03pm / Qatar / Miscellaneous
Today, I reached a new level of commitment in my relationship with my boyfriend. This happened when he pooped on the side of the road beside my truck, while talking and making eye contact with me while wiping. FML
by ordinaryday / 05/22/2012 at 8:21am / Canada (Alberta) / Love
by authorsubmit / 05/04/2012 at 8:49am / United States / Health
by GetHardOrGoHome / 03/31/2012 at 12:22am / United States (Ohio) / Health
by Susan / 02/28/2012 at 6:55am / Canada (Ontario) / Love
Today, I argued with my girlfriend over her constantly wasting our money on acupuncture. She said if I could prove it was baloney, she would stop. After I showed her copious amounts of scientific proof debunking it as pseudo-science, she told me we're "taking a break" from our relationship. FML
by Anonymous / 02/03/2012 at 9:48pm / United Kingdom / Love
Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML
by Rachal / 01/29/2012 at 8:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
- 1Today, my parents let me babysit my baby sister for the first time. About an hour after they left,… 2Today, I saw an elderly lady fall over in the street. Nobody bothered to do anything, so I went… 3Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had…