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RiverD23

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RiverD23
  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Not specified
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 715
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 4 posted

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RiverD23's favorite FMLs

Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML

#20447496
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34403) - you deserved it (5046)

On 01/08/2013 at 2:44am - misc - by no sleep for me -

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

#20418972
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37227) - you deserved it (5498)

On 12/24/2012 at 2:44pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, after having sex, my girlfriend left my apartment after furiously ranting at me, because I made her come "too many times" and that it's "unfair" to her. What? FML

Today, I'm recovering in the emergency room. How did I get here? Intoxicated at a coed party, I saw a hole in the host's shed and thought it funny to christen it a "glory-hole", only to be bitten by what may well have been a black widow spider. FML

#20182587
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5614) - you deserved it (40139)

On 11/28/2012 at 1:09pm - health - by Widowmaker - United States (Nevada)

Today, was the day my girlfriend and I tried to 69 for the first time. Today is also the day I learned that I'm physically incapable of maintaining an erection after someone farts in my face. FML

#20163281
215 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44026) - you deserved it (5633)

On 11/14/2012 at 4:28pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I walked in on my brother sticking his erect penis through a donut. I doubt I'll ever be able to unsee this. FML

#20113997
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30452) - you deserved it (2482)

On 10/12/2012 at 7:39pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my 14-year-old step-daughter announced that she is 4 months pregnant. The father is my 15-year-old son. FML

#20111886
525 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71966) - you deserved it (8401)

On 10/11/2012 at 10:30am - kids - by wdunn69733 - United States (Georgia)

Today, after great sex with my boyfriend, I lay in my bed while he went to get a drink from downstairs. Hearing someone come up, I shouted out as a joke, "Damn babe, I'm covered in cum, was there a hole you didn't fill?" It wasn't my boyfriend, it was my dad. FML

#20109762
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14264) - you deserved it (55687)

On 10/09/2012 at 10:32pm - intimacy - by cumhole (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, although I can't dance, I decided to go to a club. A really cute girl asked me to dance, and I politely declined. She kept insisting, so I finally said okay. A few minutes in, she stopped, looked at me, and said, "If you're going to make fun of my dancing, I'm leaving." FML

#20096710
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20417) - you deserved it (2051)

On 10/01/2012 at 12:05pm - love - by IcantDance! - United States (Alabama)

Today, my fully grown, 90-pound German Shepherd sniffed and wagged his tail as a guy mugged me. FML

#20054806
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17547) - you deserved it (1322)

On 09/02/2012 at 10:07pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was playing with my vibrator. I was getting close when all of a sudden it short-circuited and made a sound like a laughing clown, scaring me half to death. FML

Today, while getting pretty intimate with my newlywed wife in the car, a cop turned his lights on. As he was walking up, I was trying to get my pants back on but they wouldn't fit over my knees. The cop just laughed and walked away. Turns out my wife had my pants on and I was trying to put hers on. FML

#20048187
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21200) - you deserved it (4849)

On 08/29/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

#20015589
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13823) - you deserved it (37123)

On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I was sitting under a rather large house plant in my dining room, minding my own business when a spider lowered itself right in front of my face. It startled me, causing me to gasp, which resulted in me inhaling the spider. I then spent 3 minutes choking on it. FML

#19998761
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23407) - you deserved it (2519)

On 08/02/2012 at 5:08pm - misc - by danonno (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML

#19903364
314 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28123) - you deserved it (3397)

On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)



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