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About Rene_the_cat : I draw all the time and I listen to heavy metal and rock.
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
Beginner
You have looked through 5 pages of the website. That’s a start.
50 favourites
Love knows no boundaries. You’ve already got 50 FMLs in your favourites list!
Today, my husband and I were about to have sex. As soon as I got on top, he started speaking in a robot voice, then demanded that I call him "the Fuckinator." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22457) - you deserved it (1275)
On 02/22/2012 at 12:42am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, my dad was complaining about how he makes so little money, so I suggested he invent something. The first thing that came to his mind was an automatic animal masturbator. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16274) - you deserved it (1926)
On 02/21/2012 at 10:43pm - intimacy - by nothowtheydoitinalabama - United States (Oregon)
Today, after recently moving to an apartment, we've already been asked if we wanted to buy drugs, had a children's chair thrown through the front window, our door painted with "CUNT LICKER" and my laundry stolen. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7710) - you deserved it (910)
On 02/16/2012 at 10:01am - intimacy - by Jeathrow - United States (California)
Today, after a twelve week dry spell followed by an eight week one, I decided to take a bit more initiative at seducing my girlfriend. Not only was she "not in the mood" again, but she offered me Trident Layers gum instead. She apparently thought that it was a fair trade. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16590) - you deserved it (3070)
On 02/04/2012 at 10:46pm - intimacy - by dasnich (man) - United States (Arkansas)
Today, the pervert in my computer class asked me if I "mowed my lawn." Not knowing this was a vaguely sexual term, I replied, "No, my dad does." FML
I agree, your life sucks (11310) - you deserved it (2176)
On 02/03/2012 at 9:47am - intimacy - by xX_nsn_Xx (woman) - United States (Texas)
Today, I accidentally told my mom to ejaculate the flash drive from the PC. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3782) - you deserved it (5089)
Today, my boyfriend referred to his penis as 'The Eye of Sauron'. It didn't help when he pulled down his foreskin, pointed it in my direction and said 'I see you'. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (3399)
On 01/18/2012 at 1:29pm - intimacy - by anon - United Kingdom
Today, I started a new medication, not paying much notice to the one side effect: "unusual vaginal secretions". They're unusual alright, they glued my underwear to my skin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (9536) - you deserved it (1070)
On 01/15/2012 at 4:00am - intimacy - by involuntary waxing - Canada (Alberta)
Today, I accidentally moaned my own name during sex. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8528) - you deserved it (6063)
On 01/04/2012 at 1:43am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I walked into my bathroom to find my girlfriend applying my deodorant. This would have been fine, if she wasn't applying it to her mouth. I don't think deodorant helps with bad breath, but a quick Google search shows that it does help with herpes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12203) - you deserved it (972)
On 12/13/2011 at 9:39pm - intimacy - by neednewdeoderant - United States (Michigan)
Today, a creepy old guy on the bus asked me if I wanted to "lick it." When I said no, he tried to convince me by telling me that "it tastes good." FML
I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (1653)
On 12/12/2011 at 6:17pm - intimacy - by flowerchildd2 - United States (Colorado)
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (37641) - you deserved it (5375)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, while I was watching TV, my boyfriend took my unicorn pillow pet and made it hump my arm. I told him to stop acting like a child. He replied, "Children don't have sex like this," and started making sex noises while making the pillow pet hump my arm faster and harder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8127) - you deserved it (2658)
On 12/04/2011 at 8:01am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was at my job as a bartender where I had to listen to a 40-something man with no legs drunkenly explain just how much he loves nipples. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7897) - you deserved it (1076)
On 12/03/2011 at 8:39pm - intimacy - by sugarbeet - United States (Minnesota)
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try something new. I ended up tied to the bed, and my girlfriend discovered how ticklish I am. Worst 3 hours of my life. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25994) - you deserved it (5840)
On 11/30/2011 at 1:43am - intimacy - by me - Canada (Saskatchewan)
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