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Reddeaded's favorite FMLs
Today, while working the drive-through at Mcdonald's, I was handing a gentleman his vanilla shake. He responded by popping the cap off, yelling "Fire in the hole!" And throwing it back in. He then quickly drove off. I was covered in vanilla shake. FML
by Anothernametaken / 11/18/2011 at 7:22am / United States / Work
by alliez108 / 11/17/2011 at 7:50pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, like every day, I used my phone while taking a dump. As I reached for some toilet paper to wipe myself, my sister pounded on the door for me to hurry up. I yelled "Fine," and without realizing it, wiped myself with my phone. FML
by shootme / 11/13/2011 at 5:46pm / Canada / Miscellaneous
Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Transportation
Today, for the first time, I beat my brother in a game of CoD. Not being a gamer, I was ecstatic. Later, when I was in the shower, my brother snuck in the bathroom, yelled "Napalm strike!" and threw our cat over the shower curtain like a furry grenade from hell. FML
by MLGreco / 10/14/2011 at 12:11pm / United States / Kids
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
by cnkk07 / 10/14/2011 at 6:36am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 09/01/2011 at 6:52am / United States / Health
by Anonymous / 08/15/2011 at 1:05pm / United States (Utah) / Miscellaneous
by ThisGuy97 / 08/12/2011 at 4:46pm / United States / Health
by bob / 08/11/2011 at 8:56am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
Today, a downstairs neighbor of mine claimed money from me because apparently my dog took a dump on the fire escape, and the poop fell through the grates and on her groceries. I don't have a dog, but I paid the money anyway, because I was too ashamed to tell her it was my husband. FML
by Zoe Avila / 08/09/2011 at 6:55pm / United States / Animals
Today, as I was taking the bus home, I sat down next to a man wearing an FML shirt. While snickering I said to him "You totally deserved it." I guess he thought that comment deserved a broken nose. FML
by Anonymous / 07/30/2011 at 5:26am / Canada (British Columbia) / Transportation
Today, while walking home from work, a young teenage girl ran up behind me and dumped a carton of milk on my head. She said, "The cow master baptizes you!" and then ran in the opposite direction, cackling madly. FML
by Anonymous / 07/29/2011 at 8:31pm / United States (Washington) / Health
by shroooms / 07/28/2011 at 4:37pm / Slovenia (Bohinj) / Health
by tgd4444 / 07/23/2011 at 6:29am / Malaysia (Johor) / Miscellaneous
- Today, I heard the sounds of women grunting in the living room. My husband knows I don't like him… Today, along with my virginity, my boyfriend took my laptop, iPhone, TV, and most of the food in my… Today, my boyfriend tried to make me wear a fake mustache during sex. He said "It turns him on." FML