About RedButterfly5 : I love anime and manga. I'm sarcastic but most people take me seriously so if it sounds mean or the opposite of what would be expected now you know why. The reason I keep coming back to FML is because it's funny, most are funny, some are just plain mean and it makes me disgusted with humanity. I'm almost always on my iPhone so don't expect an immediate response from me if you message me.
RedButterfly5's FML badges
I moderated this!
In "Moderate the FMLs", you voted Yes on a story that was subsequently published. Well done!
Up and coming moderator
It’s nice of you to help us sort out the submissions, using FML’s moderate feature.
You’ve used FML’s private messaging service for the first time. Will they reply? Wait and see…
RedButterfly5's favorite FMLs
Today, I was making out with my girlfriend, and after a while, she moved her hand down to my crotch. She felt my erection, then got up and yelled at me, calling me a horny pig for "assuming we were going to have sex." FML
by sn-511 / 03/01/2013 at 5:54pm / Italy (Campania) / Intimacy
Today, a wasp knocked me out, broke my glasses, and left a gash over my eyebrow. It did so by flying under my glasses while I was playing my guitar, causing me to reflexively bat at it with the hand that was still grasping the guitar neck. FML
by JimiHendrix / 02/28/2013 at 8:55pm / France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur) / Health
by thepokemonkid / 02/27/2013 at 12:03am / United States (Connecticut) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was sitting on the chair-lift on a ski trip. There was a shift in gears and the metal in the seat began to vibrate. My dad, sister, and step-mom were all on the lift with me, not feeling a thing. It's terribly awkward to converse with your family while you involuntarily orgasm. FML
by Frostbitten / 02/26/2013 at 10:00pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
Today, the arts company I work for cancelled our 8 pm sold-out outdoor performance at 7:30 due to rain, and will have to reticket 550 patrons. I'm the only person in the office trained in ticketing. It stopped raining 10 minutes after we cancelled it. FML
by Wilf / 02/22/2013 at 10:48am / Australia (Western Australia) / Work
by PoorMe / 02/22/2013 at 8:06am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I met my new class. There are two Kevin Smiths. Neither will agree to a nickname, they have the same hair color, and their middle names both start with J. They have told me to call them Kevin 1 and Kevin 2. They both want to be Kevin 1. FML
by Anonymous / 02/18/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, I took an afternoon nap, and when I woke up, it was pitch black outside. Still groggy, I went downstairs, only to see my dad sporting a shocked expression and a suspiciously powder-white beard. He actually almost convinced me that I'd just woken up from a five year coma. FML
by Anonymous / 02/17/2013 at 12:56am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I had my girlfriend over for dinner with my family. My father had dressed up as a girl for a recent gig of his at a local pub. This got somehow brought up at the table. The rest of the dinner conversation consisted of him and my girlfriend discussing bras and lingerie. FML
by BadLuckCarson / 02/12/2013 at 12:55am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, I realized that the air freshener in my bathroom and the air freshener in my girlfriend's bedroom are the exact same scent. Now, every time I go to the bathroom I get an erection, and every time my girlfriend and I have sex in her room, I think about shitting. FML
by thefriedman / 02/11/2013 at 11:59pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by dab1230 / 02/06/2013 at 7:26pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by PokeWife / 02/06/2013 at 8:38am / United States (Nebraska) / Love
Today, after a shower, my dad jokingly asked if I was jacking off in the shower because I was taking a long time. Before I could respond, my mom chimed in with, "No, he does it before he showers, haven't you noticed how he locks himself in his room?" She was right on the money. FML
by Lockedinroom / 02/05/2013 at 11:18am / United States / Intimacy
Today, after weeks of practice, I proudly did 9 chin-ups on my chin-up bar. As soon as I was done, my 11-year-old daughter came over and banged out 12 of them. Then she wiped her sweaty hands off and did 8 more. Then she gave me pointers on my technique. FML
by WeakerThanaLittleGirl / 02/04/2013 at 8:00pm / United States / Health
Today, as usual, my cat was sleeping on my stomach. I couldn't fall asleep so I delicately picked him up and put him down next to me. He got up, hopped back onto me, gave me a slap and then went back to sleep on my stomach. I didn't dare move all night. FML