About RedButterfly5 : I love anime and manga. I'm sarcastic but most people take me seriously so if it sounds mean or the opposite of what would be expected now you know why. The reason I keep coming back to FML is because it's funny, most are funny, some are just plain mean and it makes me disgusted with humanity. I'm almost always on my iPhone so don't expect an immediate response from me if you message me.
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RedButterfly5's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy
Today, after a little detective work, I found out the money that recently went missing from my college fund was transferred by my mother, to her own account. She claims it's to pay a parking ticket. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I didn't know they fined people over $3,500 for a parking violation. FML
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 6:00pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Money
by soso / 05/13/2012 at 5:26pm / Sweden (Vastra Gotaland) / Love
Today, I argued heavily with my dad over being dragged to a family game of lacrosse. All through the game, he kept "accidentally" hurling the ball straight at me on the sideline. After he eventually nailed me straight in the heart, he screamed at me to "get out of the fucking way". FML
by just me / 05/13/2012 at 2:54pm / Germany (Nordrhein-Westfalen) / Kids
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 11:12am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2012 at 8:15am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Kids
by whatevershit / 05/13/2012 at 2:28am / United States (Alabama) / Health
Today, I really had to pee while babysitting. Normally this isn't a problem, except the kids were sleeping and going potty would wake them up right before their parents were due home. Desperate, I decided to pee in a cup in the kitchen and wash it down the sink. Their parents came home mid-stream. FML
by fired / 05/13/2012 at 2:26am / United States (Oregon) / Work
by deewe / 05/13/2012 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous
Today, I went to the store for some pads with my dad. We got them and then went to the cashier. That's when he realized that they were scented. He took one out of the box, sniffed it, made me sniff it, then insisted the cashier smell it. FML
by vron991 / 05/13/2012 at 1:02am / United States (Delaware) / Miscellaneous
Today, I attended a formal banquet. The host was delivering a speech, when I felt the urge to pee, so I tried to quietly excuse myself. My chair screeched over the floor as I got up, I tripped over my own feet, and I accidentally took the door leading outdoors, where I ended up peeing in shame. FML
by Andy / 05/12/2012 at 10:21pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, I'm found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I spoke at length about how we were going to handle things, which included him "forbidding" me from having an epidural, because he doesn't want our baby to "come out addicted to drugs." FML
by CalyenaL / 05/12/2012 at 9:35pm / Mexico (Baja California) / Health
Today, while at work, I managed to scrape open the inside of my nose with my fingernail, drawing blood in the process. I had to quickly up an explanation for my scream that didn't go: "Well, I was scouting for boogers..." FML
by Anonymous / 05/12/2012 at 6:09pm / Netherlands (Utrecht) / Work
Today, I noticed a little white ball in the corner of my bedroom ceiling. I guess it had been there for a while already, but the teeming mass of baby spiders crawling out made it a lot more conspicuous. FML
by aliqi / 05/12/2012 at 4:48pm / United States / Animals
by rj / 05/12/2012 at 10:42am / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy
- Today, a car almost hit me. Since I wasn’t hurt, the driver chased me with a baseball bat to finish… Today, I’m teaching French in a university in India. One of the students asked me if Paris was the… Today, after recently moving to Australia, I saw my first kangaroo. In the refrigerated section of…