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RandomFool's favorite FMLs
Today, I started training for a charity boxing match. When I got home and walked through the door, my dad punched me in the stomach to test my reaction time. As I lay on the floor trying to catch my breath, he said my reaction time was "terrible". FML
by DJ / 04/07/2013 at 2:52pm / Ireland (Dublin) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was discussing possible career choices with my relatives. Pretty much everyone expressed the belief that I'm screwed for life, with my grandma commenting later: "She ain't even got the tits for porn. God help her." FML
by flea-bitten / 04/06/2013 at 3:41pm / United States / Work
Today, my best friend was throwing me my bachelorette partly. A cop came by and said there have been complaints about the noise. Thinking he was the stripper we ordered, we pulled him into the house. He was an actual cop. FML
by Evalynne / 04/06/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous
by confusedcatlover / 04/06/2013 at 7:42am / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 04/03/2013 at 5:17am / United States / Kids
Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML
by effiestonem154 / 04/02/2013 at 5:14pm / United States / Work
Today, I had a job interview. When I got there, the lady interviewing me shook my hand and said, 'Hello, I'm gay.' I found this strange and I didn't know what to say, so I stated, 'Aw, it's OK, I support you.' She looked pretty offended, and I realized why when I found out that her name was Gaye. FML
by Anonymous / 11/04/2010 at 5:18am / United States (Michigan) / Work
Today, I went on an interview for a job that I had been wanting for months. I thought everything was going great. On my way out, my interviewer asked me to recycle something for him. I agreed. It was my resume. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 7:05pm / United States (Oregon) / Work
by awilson / 09/11/2009 at 2:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got a call from my son's second grade teacher. He happens to write and throw with both hands, and wanted to share this during show and tell. Apparently, he didn't know the word for this is ambidextrous, because his teacher told me, "Your son just told the whole class that he's bisexual!" FML
by Anonymous / 06/22/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, my boyfriend and I took a late night drive, and after a while he stopped at a gas station and asked if I wanted anything I replied "guess". He came out and gave me a box of tampons. Apparently I've been bitchy. FML
by tamp / 06/22/2009 at 3:47am / United States (Montana) / Miscellaneous
by a / 05/21/2009 at 3:18pm / United Kingdom (Hertford) / Intimacy
Today, after the church service was over, my two year old granddaughter started to sing into the microphone. She said, "Here Nana, you sing". I picked up the microphone and sang " Jesus Loves Me". She took the microphone back and said, "No he doesn't." FML
by nana / 05/19/2009 at 10:04am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids
Today, I had a very intense sexual dream that made me come and left me panting when I woke up. It was the best orgasm I'd ever had. The trouble was, it wasn't about a hot girl, or anything sexy. It was about bacon. FML
by wtfdreams / 05/17/2009 at 8:33am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, I sent everyone a text on my phone book saying, "Happy Star Wars Day!!! May the Fourth be with you!!" I forgot to uncheck my exgirlfriend's number. She texted back, "one of the many reasons I broke up with you." FML
by 1suckatL1fe / 05/04/2009 at 3:04pm / United States (Virginia) / Love