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RandomBird

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RandomBird

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Not specified
  • <3 status : Single
  • Number of visits : 1140
  • Number of comments : 9
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 5 posted

About RandomBird : No

RandomBird's page activity

Visits<b>ninjuh_wingman</b> - the 08/09/2015 at 4:17pm<b>ihavenolifehaha</b> - the 11/02/2014 at 6:54pm<b>syed121417</b> - the 08/30/2014 at 12:40am<b>stargirl_95</b> - the 08/13/2014 at 10:34am<b>codester123</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 11:47pm<b>haddiej</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 8:42pm<b>maria95aa</b> - the 08/03/2014 at 8:25pm

RandomBird's FML badges

Santa Claus

You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!

Inception

You read an FML that mentions a badge, and in return you've been awarded a badge. A badge inside a badge.

The Mixer

You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.

See all of RandomBird's badges

RandomBird's favorite FMLs

Today, I walked in on my son's new habit. Sticking his finger up his ass, farting on it, and smelling it. Apparently, the scent is the purest then. FML

#21521749
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21414) - you deserved it (2032)

On 02/01/2016 at 10:54am - kids - by notsoproudfather - India (Maharashtra)

Today, my son became convinced that his father cheated and we put the fertilized egg inside me to cover the whole thing up. He won't stop calling me "host mother". FML

#21519206
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21711) - you deserved it (1817)

On 01/25/2016 at 9:09am - kids - by anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML

#21515102
255 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27395) - you deserved it (12985)

On 01/14/2016 at 7:51am - intimacy - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, sewage came up the toilet and tub in my apartment and spread far enough to get into the hallway. The maintenance crew found the source of the blocked pipes to be a ten inch long weave some idiot flushed down a toilet. FML

#21514581
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19767) - you deserved it (1065)

On 01/13/2016 at 12:54am - misc - by NeedsANewApartment (man) - United States (New York)

Today, during a family dinner, I witnessed my younger brother casually slip his hand down the back of his pants, take it out, sniff each finger individually, before stirring his hand in his spaghetti and continue to eat normally. I was the only one who saw this. FML

#21504620
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21013) - you deserved it (1421)

On 12/16/2015 at 10:42pm - kids - by who wants spaghetti - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, while on a walk during lunch, I urgently needed to pee. Not thinking I could make it back to the office, I slipped into some bushes to relieve myself. As I was going, I looked to the side and saw two coworkers staring back at me. They were having sex, and I'm there with my dick out. Awkward. FML

#21483245
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25546) - you deserved it (3565)

On 10/23/2015 at 12:05am - work - by Embarrassed ass. (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was having lunch and I started throwing crumbs at my friend at the other table. Then I accidentally hit the kid next to him. He got really mad and came over and hit me in the shoulder with a brick. A brick. He just had a brick in his bag. FML

#21474273
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25139) - you deserved it (8657)

On 09/29/2015 at 6:00pm - work - by horp - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I brought my best friend home and told my dad we were going to study together. He loudly replied "Woah!", stumbled around for a few seconds like he was drunk, then apologized and said the "sheer amount of gayness" between us had overloaded his gaydar. We're not gay, dammit! FML

#21429349
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26947) - you deserved it (3377)

On 06/21/2015 at 2:04am - misc - by notgay (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I went to get a physical, forgetting I'd shaved my pubes the day before and still had bad razor burn. My doctor told me I had "dicken pox" and was prescribing me with shaving cream. FML

Today, at a big family dinner, my dad said, "Pfff, gays don't have it hard at all. The things a guy has to do for sex with a girl? Crazy. All a gay guy has to do for sex is become an altar boy!" My husband's side of the family is very religious, and all hell quickly broke loose. FML

#21369938
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34888) - you deserved it (3443)

On 03/07/2015 at 1:42pm - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my mom sent me a pic of a blank paper, saying it was a drawing of all the people who wanted to date me. FML

#21362620
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34419) - you deserved it (3050)

On 02/24/2015 at 2:32pm - misc - by toastynippies - United States

Today, my 5-year-old daughter was asked by her teacher to write a letter to each member of her family to read during the holidays. Her letter to me said, "Dear mommy, come on. You could have done better than dad." FML

#21318238
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34601) - you deserved it (4171)

On 12/15/2014 at 10:38pm - kids - by Lisa - United States (Missouri)

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

#21316987
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35327) - you deserved it (2917)

On 12/13/2014 at 9:02pm - misc - by ashamed (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I had to explain to a customer that 50% off a $50 item did not make the item free. FML

#21307823
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40307) - you deserved it (2654)

On 11/28/2014 at 10:36pm - misc - by idiots - United States (Texas)

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

#21306857
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36488) - you deserved it (3573)

On 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)



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