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RaesLilly's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
RaesLilly's favorite FMLs
Today, I sit here in agonizing pain because of a scoliosis surgery. I have a bunch of painkillers that I need to suppress this incredible back pain. Looks like I can't take any. My mom has hidden them from me because she THINKS I need to be taken off them. I wish my doctor were here. FML
by rugs / 08/06/2010 at 12:40am / United States (Iowa) / Love
Today, it's my 18th birthday. I was telling my friends a story when my mom started talking. I simply said 'Mom...' so she'd realize she interrupted me. She gave me the finger and called me rude in front of all my friends. FML
by apple / 07/16/2010 at 3:38pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Miscellaneous
by rofld / 07/14/2010 at 12:47pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was "Nice Weather?" FML
by Anonymous / 05/25/2010 at 7:33pm / Canada (Manitoba) / Intimacy
Today, fifteen minutes after dinner was served, my blind date says "It's good that you're smart. Not to be rude, but most girls aren't. I mean, at some point, I'm going to pull my dick out of your mouth and then it's good if you have something interesting to say." Check please. FML
by Hate2Date / 04/05/2010 at 1:14am / United States (Oklahoma) / Intimacy
Today, the girl I have been dating for the past couple months broke it off with me. She said she's tired of waiting around for me and being ignored in the mean time. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have been so greedy as to finish my 2 degrees and work 2 jobs to pay for my school. How selfish of me. FML
by Lonely / 03/18/2010 at 12:02am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love
Today, I sat in bumper-to-bumper traffic for half an hour. The entire time, a man I had gone on a date with and that had gotten very out of hand with, was sitting in the car next to me. I noticed, panicked, and tried to drive off, rear-ending the car in front of me. FML
by Skankeriffic / 02/19/2010 at 12:13am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous
Today, my mother told me that the carbon-monoxide alarm went off last night, but since she didn't smell any gas, she decided to just remove the batteries and go back to bed. I had to explain to her that you can't smell carbon monoxide, and that we could have died in our sleep. FML
by Kelso / 02/06/2010 at 1:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML
Today, I got a call from my younger brother's school to pick him up immediately. He had a test today and had the brilliant idea that by telling everyone he had head lice, he could go home. I had to leave work to pick him up, and now I have to take him to a doctor so they can verify he can go back. FML
by joshua / 01/25/2010 at 4:24pm / United States (California) / Kids
Today, my female room-mate decided to throw away my xbox, along with a few other possessions because they reminded her of her ex. Furiously, I asked her if "it was that time of the month again." Now I can't feel my balls, and miss my games. FML
by NYCguy / 01/19/2010 at 10:59pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
by riptoofie / 01/16/2010 at 4:36pm / United States (Nevada) / Animals
Today, I was on a long-haul plane journey home from my holiday. After 5 hours, I decided to stretch my arms whilst watching a movie. Little did I know that a little girl was approaching, running down the aisle as my arm stretched out. I accidentally clothes-lined a little 9 year old girl. FML
by James4929 / 01/07/2010 at 7:25pm / United Kingdom / Transportation
Today, while standing by the kitchen window I noticed a mouse running across our lawn on top of the snow. I called my two daughters to come see it, but by the time they got to the window a hawk was shredding the poor thing to pieces. My kids didn't stop crying for two hours. FML
by motheroftwo / 01/06/2010 at 3:41am / Norway (Oslo) / Animals
- 1Today, my religious dad caught my brother jerking off and decided to give us both a lecture about… 2Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually… 3Today, it's been six months since my husband and I have miscarried our daughter who we named Hana…