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RaesLilly's FML badges
You like to live life randomly, and we salute you.
You’ve now voted that they totally deserved it more than 100 times.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
RaesLilly's favorite FMLs
by christinabear / 04/15/2009 at 1:14am / United States (New Jersey) / Kids
Today, brand new cocktail dress: $300. Matching peep toe heels: $100. Getting my hair done at the salon: $80. Treating myself to a mani/pedi: $50. When finally meeting the guy I have been chatting online with for 2 months, I find out he's my cousin: priceless. FML
by Anonymous / 04/10/2009 at 2:42pm / United States (Michigan) / Love
Today, I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. When he told me I had tennis elbow I said "that's funny I don't play tennis". Then he asked me if I had a girlfriend. When I said no he said "Well I guess we solved this one." FML
by Anonymous / 04/04/2009 at 12:34am / United States (Georgia) / Health
Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML
by Anonymous / 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm / United States (Maine) / Intimacy
by princess / 03/17/2009 at 1:06am / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
by Noname / 03/07/2009 at 11:28pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, during my choral concert, I was helping turn the pages for the pianist who was accompanying the singers. In the middle of the song, one of the pages slipped and fell into his crotch area. In a panic, I frantically reached to grab the music. Well, I grabbed something. It wasn't the music. FML
by a person / 03/04/2009 at 11:29pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was debating weed legalization in drug awareness. I was thoroughly unleashing arguments: how marijuana turns normal citizens into criminals, how the government spends billions to enforce drug laws, when I lost my train of thought. My teacher grinned saying, "My point exactly." FML
by katzperiod / 03/04/2009 at 11:21pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health
Today, I borrowed a van to move some of my furniture. I wasn't used to the brakes so when I stopped at a red light, I pretty much ended up in the cross walk. Suddenly I heard a loud thud at the side of the van. I turned to see what idiot would walk into a van. It was a blind man. FML
by jazojigga / 03/01/2009 at 8:09pm / United States (California) / Transportation
Today, I was pissing in a urinal and I had the urge to sneeze. Unable to hold it, I sneezed and hit my head on a metal beam supporting the urinal. In complete disarray, I had to step back from the urinal while pissing and managed to spray the floor, the wall, and the person next to me. FML
by iliketurtles / 02/24/2009 at 5:57pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by boo! / 02/17/2009 at 3:25am / United States (California) / Health
by seb21 / 02/08/2009 at 9:32pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife left me the following voicemail: “Alex, last night was amazing. You took me to places I’ve never been to before. I can’t wait to see you tonight after work.” My name is Rob. We haven’t had sex in two years. FML
by Barrel / 02/05/2009 at 2:57am / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy
by kprice6 / 02/03/2009 at 5:55pm / United States (North Carolina) / Work
by carboat / 01/28/2009 at 4:24am / United States (California) / Work
- Today, things were getting steamy with my boyfriend. For once, I tried to be more vocal to turn him… Today, I’m on a mission in Africa. My company driver is so old, deaf and half blind that I have to… Today, I’m in China, and I took my Golden Retriever to the groomer’s to get him cleaned up, because…