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Radioactive_Doll's favorite FMLs
by dogmom / 07/16/2012 at 4:51pm / United States (Hawaii) / Love
Today, while at work, a lady with a mustache came in and told me she was lost. I was happy to help, but could not stop rubbing my nose due to allergies. As she left she said, "I know I have a mustache you little ass" and stormed out. FML
by crazyautio / 07/16/2012 at 12:08am / United States / Work
Today, when I woke up, I noticed something crawling on my bed. A white faced wasp was dragging the corpse of a rather large spider. I'm not sure what I was more disturbed about; the fact that the wasp was dragging something twice its size, or that these bugs even live in my house. FML
by klanciee / 07/15/2012 at 10:00pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by kalikanna / 07/07/2012 at 2:10am / United States (New Jersey) / Miscellaneous
Today, I discovered that I'm adopted. How? After a great lunch, I asked my uncle how he'd made the salad dressing. He replied, "Haha! It's a secret family recipe, my dear!" I wouldn't have thought twice about it, were it not for my parents' shocked expressions, and the long, awkward silence. FML
by Lyn / 07/06/2012 at 6:14pm / France / Miscellaneous
Today, my boyfriend came to a family barbecue. I guess my dad heard him talking about the "fun" we'd be having later, because over the next two hours, he tripped my boyfriend up on concrete, threw a beer can at him, and sprayed him full-force with a water hose. All "accidentally" of course. FML
by :$ / 07/06/2012 at 5:30pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
by ambushcat / 07/05/2012 at 11:31pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 07/05/2012 at 3:10pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML
by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous
by Scared / 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Animals
by Silver_Samurai / 02/08/2012 at 10:24pm / Netherlands / Work
Today, my mom was freaking out about me handling a CD-ROM with my bare hands. When I asked her what all the commotion was about, she said she was worried that I would catch "one of those computer viruses" she'd heard about on the news. FML
by aliezzedine / 02/02/2012 at 6:32am / Lebanon / Miscellaneous
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
by immy504 / 11/30/2011 at 12:39am / United States (Louisiana) / Work
by indierocklove / 08/03/2011 at 12:55pm / United States (Virginia) / Health
- Today, my fiancé had to perform his first prostate exam. He told me he was quite nervous about it,… Today, my girlfriend and I were about to have sex for the first time. We are both virgins. After we… Today, I was jogging in the neighborhood. My new neighbor who lives three houses down clotheslines…