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Perfectionist
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, after applying for a job at a tanning salon, I was told they don't hire "naturally tan" people. I'm black. FML
I agree, your life sucks (39729) - you deserved it (2939)
On 01/21/2013 at 7:48am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Maryland)
Today, I went to see my new dentist. He was really cute, so after the checkup I started flirting. He stopped me right after I asked him out, saying, "Being a dentist has its advantages, I can see the girl's mouth before I stick my tongue in it. And in your case, it's a big no." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17051) - you deserved it (29724)
On 01/21/2013 at 1:32am - love - by black and yellow - United States (California)
Today, my parents have kept their bet going about not turning the heat on all season. I woke up this morning to it being the same temperature inside as it was outside. It's snowing out there. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23080) - you deserved it (1177)
On 01/20/2013 at 10:45pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oregon)
Today, I held a door open for a sweet old lady with a walker. After she went through the door, she turned and said, "That's not how you're gonna get into my pants, son." FML
I agree, your life sucks (29481) - you deserved it (2733)
On 01/18/2013 at 10:25am - misc - by Keastwood013 - United States
Today, I came home to find my girlfriend crying. Concerned, I quickly asked her what was wrong. She told me tearfully that she couldn't understand why her pet lizards hadn’t grown into dinosaurs yet, and that pet store had cheated her. I’m still concerned now, but for entirely different reasons. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31238) - you deserved it (3357)
Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (2076)
On 01/13/2013 at 10:00pm - misc - by anon - United States (Ohio)
Today, my 17 year old boyfriend's mother bought him a giraffe onesie. He refused to take it off and insisted on wearing it everywhere we go. We live in Australia and it's our summer now. So far he has passed out 3 times in public because he over heated, but he still won't take it off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32654) - you deserved it (4910)
On 01/11/2013 at 6:36am - love - by GiraffeLover - Australia
Today, my boyfriend of over a year told me he wanted to learn Korean before Spanish. Apparently, being able to sing along to Gangnam Style is more important to him than being able to speak with my family. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30201) - you deserved it (6239)
On 01/11/2013 at 5:24am - love - by Latina (woman) - United States (Arizona)
Today, I found out that my son told my daughter at some point that "real" name for Hershey's Kisses is "blowjobs." I found this out because at kindergarten she was asked what her favorite food was. The teacher wasn't happy when she called me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24507) - you deserved it (1628)
On 01/10/2013 at 7:51pm - kids - by Grant - United States
Today, my daughter learned a new song. This would be great, except for the lisp her teacher has. I now have a child screaming about the "itchy bitchy spider" at the top of her lungs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27437) - you deserved it (1755)
On 01/08/2013 at 8:01pm - kids - by ugh (woman) - United States (Michigan)
Today, I unknowingly used my shampoo thinking it was leave-in-conditioner. While walking to work, it started to rain. I started to produce suds. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7571) - you deserved it (14135)
On 01/05/2013 at 10:59am - misc - by nomegusta (woman) - United States
Today, I was having sex with my new boyfriend, and I realized that he enjoys making airplane sound effects while inserting himself inside of me. Moment ruined. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19924) - you deserved it (2904)
On 01/05/2013 at 4:21am - intimacy - by kblevss (woman) - United States (New Jersey)
Today, when I got home I noticed a statue of a gnome sitting next to the door. I've had an intense phobia of gnomes since I was a child, and I can't bring myself to walk past it. It's been half an hour and I'm still standing outside. I can see my dad through the window laughing and waving. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18570) - you deserved it (5354)
On 01/05/2013 at 12:30am - love - by VampObsessed - United States (Texas)
Today, my neighbor went on vacation, leaving me in charge of his cat and dog. For some reason, he calls his dog "Cat" and his cat "Dog". There are two pet food containers, one labeled "Cat" and the other labeled "Dog". I have no idea which one goes to which animal. FML
I agree, your life sucks (31426) - you deserved it (2928)
On 01/02/2013 at 1:07am - animals - by catdog - United States (California)
Today, I was driving without my seatbelt on, when I noticed a police car approaching. I panicked and desperately fumbled around for my seatbelt, only for them to pass by with just a funny look. Then it hit me that I was riding my motorcycle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19618) - you deserved it (32646) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Monday 17 June 2013
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