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Perfectionist
Editing your comments can help you avoid embarrassment, and it might make you seem smarter.
Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he laid on the bed, silent and naked in the fetal position, I had to sit there stroking his head for an hour. I think I raped my boyfriend. FML
I agree, your life sucks (40965) - you deserved it (5770)
On 12/11/2011 at 6:54am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Victoria)
Today, our new boss showed up for his first day of work. I thought I'd seen it all, but he demands that we say "Hail to the King" every time he passes through the office. When I called HR about it, the guy on the other end told me to "man up and deal with it". FML
I agree, your life sucks (19857) - you deserved it (2690)
On 12/10/2011 at 8:03pm - work - by Poorman (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my dad finally decided to give me the "sex talk." It was going fine until he said, "If you ever decide to have sex, picture my face like this" and pointed to his face, which had a creepy, intense stare. He just ruined sex for me. Forever. FML
I agree, your life sucks (35353) - you deserved it (623)
On 12/09/2011 at 10:40am - intimacy - by Aly (woman) - United States
Today, I drank a fifth of vodka before I took my political science final. My professor later called me to tell me that I had written "Obama is a beautiful chocolate man" to every essay question. FML
I agree, your life sucks (8557) - you deserved it (66082)
On 12/09/2011 at 1:11am - misc - by blondie101 - United States
Today, I saw my neighbor's Christmas tree they had put up on their porch, with decorative presents under it. Being that my neighbors hate me, I figured I would take a present to piss them off. While walking back home with the present, I opened it. Inside it read "I knew you would, douche bag." FML
I agree, your life sucks (5890) - you deserved it (52574)
On 12/08/2011 at 10:35pm - misc - by lebato97 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, my husband and I got into an argument. I tried to assault him with a laptop. He yelled, "Don't hit me with the computer." My apartment neighbor yelled through the wall, "Do what you gotta do, girl." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10940) - you deserved it (27559)
On 12/05/2011 at 9:31pm - love - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I took my kids to the mall to see Santa. While waiting in line, my eldest got bored and loudly complained, "I don't know why we're here. Santa's not even real." I don't think any of the kids within a hundred feet took the news very well. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21446) - you deserved it (2888)
On 12/05/2011 at 6:32pm - kids - by santashelper - United States
Today, my parents insisted that despite the fact I've just turned sixteen, I have to save them money by ordering from the children's menu, because I "still look like a twelve year old". FML
I agree, your life sucks (22798) - you deserved it (2636)
On 12/03/2011 at 1:19pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I dressed up as Santa Claus for my employees' children. After seeing all the others, my daughter's turn arrived. She sat on my lap, put her lips to my ear, and whispered softly: "I want a new dad." FML
I agree, your life sucks (47440) - you deserved it (4251) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28824) - you deserved it (4793)
On 12/02/2011 at 8:22am - kids - by jessi - United States
Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML
I agree, your life sucks (21918) - you deserved it (2275)
On 11/30/2011 at 6:46pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Minnesota)
Today, at my job as a waitress, I fell, landed on my ass, managing not to spill the drinks or drop the food in my hands. A little boy yelled "NINJA WAITRESS!" Every one at work has been calling me that all day, and purposely been trying to trip me to see if I could do it again. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28752) - you deserved it (4076)
On 11/30/2011 at 12:39am - work - by immy504 - United States (Louisiana)
Today, the recycling bin caught fire. My little brother was "experimenting" with his magnifying glass, set an egg carton on fire and didn't realise you had to put it out before throwing it in the bin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15581) - you deserved it (1437)
On 11/26/2011 at 6:38am - kids - by Annon - Australia (New South Wales)
Today, my son told me he was afraid of monsters under his bed. When I poked my head under to show him nothing was there, the family cat sprang out and clawed me in the face. Now I have a gash on my chin, and my son refuses to go anywhere near his bed. FML
I agree, your life sucks (25559) - you deserved it (2390)
On 11/24/2011 at 12:07pm - kids - by Anonymous - United States (New York)
Today, I had a dream that I was trying to pop a balloon. Nothing I did was working, so I put it between my knees and tried to pop it that way. Immediately, I woke up to the sound of frantic hissing and meowing. As it turns out, I was trying to pop the cat. FML
I agree, your life sucks (27759) - you deserved it (4476)
On 11/21/2011 at 11:46pm - animals - by furryballoon (woman) - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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