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Perfectionist
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Hard at Work
Voting on an FML from the Work category on a Monday between 8 and 9am, how ironic.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Today, while at the grocery store, I saw my mother. I thought it would be funny to scare her by sneaking up and grabbing her ass. Not only was it not my mom, I left the place with a ban from ever returning to that store. FML
I agree, your life sucks (5228) - you deserved it (27706)
On 08/16/2012 at 5:09pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States
Today, I was so bored that I actually read the iTunes store's terms and conditions. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24875) - you deserved it (5474)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:50pm - misc - by cardsftw - United States (California)
Today, my girlfriend found my list of women I've had sex with, complete with the ratings I'd given them. The list is in chronological order. She's not only not the highest rated, she's not last on the list. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6835) - you deserved it (106673)
On 08/16/2012 at 3:36pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)
Today, I was enjoying a romantic cuddle on the couch with my boyfriend, when he suddenly decided to lift up my shirt, stick his face into my boobs, and go all Darth Vader on me. This included heavy breathing and phrases such as, "Amber... I am your boyfriend." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17768) - you deserved it (4582)
On 08/16/2012 at 11:16am - love - by Amberain (woman) - United Kingdom (Halton)
Today, I realized why my sister refuses to let me clean her side of the room. She's secretly been trying to revive dead ants. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15925) - you deserved it (946)
On 08/16/2012 at 12:05am - misc - by scarredforlife - United States (Maryland)
Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I finally escaped the testosterone and got home, the first thing I heard was my grandpa telling my dad all about how he once fisted a girl to orgasm. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23501) - you deserved it (1749)
On 08/15/2012 at 6:52pm - intimacy - by what the FUCK (woman) - United States (Illinois)
Today, I realized that my neighbors can not only hear me singing in the shower through my apartment's paper-thin walls, they also take great delight in recording it so that they can play it at high volume for their friends when they next throw a party. I want to disappear. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15534) - you deserved it (2526)
On 08/15/2012 at 5:14pm - misc - by ShowerStar (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, it finally clicked in my mind how desperately lonely I am, when I shaved one of my legs just to find out what a woman's leg feels like. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17408) - you deserved it (5635)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:46pm - love - by lonely. (man) - United States (New York)
Today, I realized why it's not a good idea to sleep with your boyfriend when he still lives with his mom. She may walk in, make you get dressed, and demand what you have to say for yourself. Trust me, "Your son is good at sex" is not the right answer. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11229) - you deserved it (22286)
On 08/15/2012 at 12:31pm - intimacy - by shelby124 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)
Today, I walked in on my fifteen-year-old son and his friends attempting to set up a rudimentary meth lab in his bedroom. I'm not sure whether to be angrier that they simply tried this, or that they thought burning up baking soda would somehow produce methamphetamine. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17828) - you deserved it (1581)
On 08/12/2012 at 8:49pm - kids - by JAdams (man) - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, I found the perfect opportunity to throw my husband a surprise party since he thought I was away on a business trip. He came home with a hooker. Surprise! FML
I agree, your life sucks (36052) - you deserved it (1979)
On 08/12/2012 at 1:49am - intimacy - by happybirthday - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I was digging in my lawn, trying to ignore the suspicious glances coming from my nosy fuckball of a neighbor. When he asked what I was doing, I replied with dripping sarcasm, that I was digging up the schoolkids I killed last year. Fifteen minutes later, the cops he called arrived. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24372) - you deserved it (6200)
On 08/11/2012 at 7:47pm - misc - by diggingaplotforone - United States (California)
Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML
I agree, your life sucks (10534) - you deserved it (32390)
On 08/11/2012 at 6:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, at work, I was forced to nod and smile as a pregnant, fifteen-year-old, brain-dead Jersey Shore wannabe cussed me out for being rude by using words from a "foreign language" during our conversation. I used the word "pretentious." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26649) - you deserved it (1430)
On 08/11/2012 at 3:37pm - work - by mikeissad (man) - United States (Florida)
Today, I finished my first two weeks as an ice cream truck driver. Now I can't get that annoying ice cream truck music out of my head. It's even in my dreams. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16392) - you deserved it (2721)
On 08/10/2012 at 9:58am - work - by ice cream dude - United States (Colorado)
Wednesday 15 May 2013
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