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You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
RabidLimaBeans's favorite FMLs
by Nasty / 08/30/2011 at 12:48pm / United States (Tennessee) / Intimacy
Today, it was my first day on the job as a first grade teacher. One student pushed another, so I asked him to apologize. His response? "If you boss me around, I'll tell Daddy you touched me somewhere you shouldn't have." I think I'm now this kid's slave. FML
by slavelaborsux / 08/29/2011 at 7:59pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids
by InAnAwkwardSituation / 08/25/2011 at 1:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
by nerofirst / 08/19/2011 at 9:40am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, I was working on my new house and I was taking out a large cactus. While picking up the pieces to throw away, I noticed a spider on my forearm. Without thinking, I swiped at the spider with a piece of the cactus. I missed the spider, not my forearm. FML
by romea244 / 08/14/2011 at 4:17am / United States (Puerto Rico) / Animals
by flipnazn / 07/15/2011 at 12:24am / United States (Texas) / Animals
Today, I went to visit my great grandma. I saw that her dog had this red fluid on his ear, so I asked my grandma about it. She said she put red finger nail-polish in his ear so she could tell the difference between 'all' of her dogs. She only has one dog. FML
by emegemerald / 07/04/2011 at 12:13am / United States / Animals
by ashleyrae / 06/29/2011 at 10:55am / United States (Mississippi) / Miscellaneous
Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML
by Jenievonteese / 06/12/2011 at 7:33pm / United States (Texas) / Animals
by wtf / 06/09/2011 at 11:04am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh) / Health
by Brie / 05/29/2011 at 2:22pm / United States / Animals
by Anonymous / 04/19/2011 at 10:21pm / United States / Animals
Today, while making my son lunch, he pooped, took off his diaper, stepped in it, and then climbed to the gate to call for me. When I arrived, he had a big smile on his face and exclaimed, "Look!" Shit footprints were everywhere. FML
by heathersmorin / 04/08/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New York) / Kids
by Anonymous / 01/24/2011 at 7:30pm / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 11/11/2010 at 7:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I found out my parents have been slipping birth control pills into my morning orange juice… 2Today, I found out my husband has been catfishing my sixteen year-old brother for over a year. FML 3Today, I babysat a kid who was such a bratty little prick that I actually considered walking out on…