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An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
You've looked for Santa absolutely everywhere, and you managed to find him. Well done!
RabidLimaBeans's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 10:42pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, a few of my friends arranged for us to go skinny-dipping with the guy I really like. It went really well, until a turd surfaced before our eyes. After we scrambled out of the pool in panic, my crush called us all freaks and left. FML
by Anonymous / 10/20/2013 at 3:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
by Michelle / 10/17/2013 at 7:51am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
Today, after sending in my passport application for a trip to Paris, I got a letter from the state department saying despite them having my original birth certificate, I don't exist. Upon calling them, I was told that it only proves I'm a citizen, not that I exist. I pay taxes and have a mortgage. FML
by Anonymous / 10/11/2013 at 7:45am / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 10/04/2013 at 7:36pm / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by hoo flung pu / 10/03/2013 at 4:26am / United States / Animals
Today, a man walked into the bank I work at and asked what he would need in order to open an account. I had to look him in the eyes with a straight face, say, "Two pieces of identification," and ask him to put some pants on. FML
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 11:04am / Canada (Alberta) / Work
by Norvi / 09/14/2013 at 1:51am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Health
Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML
by Carebeareatu / 09/14/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Health
by Anonymous / 09/14/2013 at 1:23am / United States (Ohio) / Geek
by lifesucks0925 / 09/06/2013 at 3:01am / United States (California) / Work
Today, my 17-year-old son came home with a black eye saying he ran into a pole at school. I asked the principal if we could see the tapes. He actually did run straight into a pole. And not just once, twice. FML
by ggabrams / 08/17/2013 at 8:55am / United States (Hawaii) / Kids
by father of the year / 08/01/2013 at 2:21am / United States / Kids
Today, I have to defend my client in court. The defense that my client wants me to use is, "It's not a robbery if you have swag" and then goes on saying, "The judge is bound to let me go after he sees my swag." FML
by Anonymous / 05/22/2013 at 9:57pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work
Today, as a firefighter, we were called to assist the ambulance crew with lifting a deceased patient out of a house. Little did I know, he had been dead inside for 3 weeks, and was bloated and popped like a water balloon when we attempted to move him. My girlfriend made soup for the evening meal. FML
by Fireguy92 / 01/31/2013 at 11:39pm / United States (Michigan) / Work
- Today, my man and I were having sex on edge of bed. We were using chocolate spread and I was riding… Today, I was playing catch with my 6 year old cousin in the garden, when he demanded a piggy back.… Today, my boyfriend asked how I could go to the bathroom and leave my tampon in at the same time. …