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Quoththeraven666's favorite FMLs
Today, my girlfriend threatened to leave me if I didn't follow her latest fad of becoming a goth, which involves dressing like an undertaker's haunted hearse and putting on eyeliner. Last week she was into Reggae and beanie hats. FML
by Anonymous / 11/09/2011 at 7:27am / United States (Massachusetts) / Love
by LukeyBoy / 11/09/2011 at 5:57am / United Kingdom (Nottingham) / Miscellaneous
Today, my girlfriend and I had dinner at my boss's house. Just before we were ready to eat, my girlfriend came to me with a desperate look in her eyes. Apparently, she took a dump, clogged the toilet, and it flooded. I took the hit for her, and now my boss thinks I'm a jackass. FML
by kdeeeceee / 11/09/2011 at 12:59am / United States / Love
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 11:11pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML
by midwesternpetclerk / 11/08/2011 at 11:06pm / United States / Work
Today, my boyfriend drove me home. I mentioned how I had recently started my period and he freaked out, saying I would "leak" through my tampon onto his seat. He made me sit on towels all the way home. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 8:20pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
Today, I was driving home from work with the window down. I felt what I thought was rain coming through the window, until I looked over and realized it was urine mist coming from the cattle truck next to me. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 6:33pm / United States / Transportation
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 12:58pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by explainer / 11/08/2011 at 12:54pm / South Africa (Gauteng) / Intimacy
Today, after holding it in for hours, I finally managed to run to the bathroom for a pee. I thought it was impossible for rats to climb up the sewer pipes and into the toilet, but apparently I was wrong. FML
by Anonymous / 11/08/2011 at 12:20pm / United States (Michigan) / Animals
by StaplerScared / 11/08/2011 at 9:39am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous
Today, my baby son latched onto my nipple for a feed, after a month of having to be bottle fed because he wouldn't latch. This would be fantastic, if it weren't for the fact that I'm his father, not his mother. FML
by possiblyoverweight / 11/08/2011 at 9:01am / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Kids
by lunarstrain / 11/08/2011 at 1:11am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I couldn't tell her where the vitamins were in the pharmacy. The manager came and yelled at me for being lazy and incompetent. I work in the store across the street from the pharmacy. FML
by jodafish / 11/08/2011 at 12:45am / Canada (Quebec) / Work
Today, my girlfriend has a new obsession: grabbing my junk and whispering in my ear the song, "Baby, Imma Be Your Motivation." Problem? I get an instant boner and she only does it in public, because it's "funny as hell." FML
by InstantHardOn / 11/07/2011 at 11:43pm / United States / Intimacy
- Today, I overheard my boyfriend bragging to his friend about finally giving me an orgasm yesterday,… Today, I married a wonderful man. Even though both of us were no longer virgins, we decided to wait… Today, my boyfriend thought he gave me unimaginable pleasure. I didn't have the heart to tell him I…