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QuixoticFox's favorite FMLs
by embarrassed / 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my two-year-old daughter's favourite word is 'No'. After leaving her with my sixteen-year-old brother, she now knows other N words as well. Niet, Nein, Non and Never. Her teenage uncle thinks it's hilarious. FML
by 919191 / 08/18/2014 at 9:26am / New Zealand (Canterbury) / Kids
Today, a few minutes after giving birth to our fourth child, my wife pulled me close and whispered, "I love you, but if you ever put me through that again I'll rip your balls off." Everyone laughed. FML
by you ripped them off ages ago / 08/17/2014 at 2:15am / United Kingdom (Derby) / Kids
Today, I went to a bookstore to get "The Grapes of Wrath". I have a problem with controlling the volume of my voice, so once at the counter, I accidentally said quite loudly, "WHERE ARE THE ANGRY GRAPES?" FML
by Face fucking palm / 07/22/2014 at 11:36pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/21/2014 at 12:05pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous
Today, I baked a strawberry cake and I didn't have any fresh strawberries for garnish, so I used a can of strawberry pie filling. My neighbors said it looked like the cake was taken from the dumpster behind an abortion clinic. FML
by sothishappened / 05/20/2014 at 5:54am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous
Today, I wanted to try seducing my boyfriend by having nothing but a t-shirt on for when he'd get back from work. He came home, saw me, apologized bashfully for failing to knock first, and went back outside. FML
by oops / 03/27/2014 at 7:10pm / United States (California) / Love
by Ohgodmother / 02/28/2014 at 4:06am / Australia (Tasmania) / Kids
Today, my car was found with a smashed window and a torn-apart steering column, in order to hot-wire it. The thief didn't get away with my car, though. The engine was in the garage, where I've been working on it for two days. FML
by minauto / 02/27/2014 at 6:58pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
Today, I walked into my apartment and smelled something extremely repugnant. I asked my roommate what had happened and she said, "I didn't know how else to kill it!" She'd trapped a bat that was in our apartment, put it in the oven, and set it to 400 degrees. FML
by BakedBat / 02/20/2014 at 11:10pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous
by PaneraSucks / 02/19/2014 at 1:24am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
by Jess / 12/20/2013 at 3:02am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by flavored / 11/18/2013 at 10:26am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I returned from a long business trip a day early to surprise my wife. She was sleeping, so I climbed into bed and started spooning her. Thinking I was an intruder, she simultaneously kicked me in the groin, elbowed me in the ribs, and smacked the back of her head into my jaw. FML
by good_aim / 07/27/2013 at 4:03am / United States (California) / Love
Today, at the office, my most annoying client asked me to send her a document. I have now sent it to her over 5 times, in a different format each time, and every single time she replies with, "Not in the requested format". She won't tell me what the requested format is. FML
- 1Today, I've stopped smoking, lost 30 pounds, taken several painful tests, and checked my ovulation… 2Today, I was fired for being late to work, even though the only reason I was late was because I had… 3Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney…
- Today, while showing a group of guys my heavy bag routine at the gym, I attempted to perform a high… Today, I was at a restaurant (which is 1 hour away from home) with my family eating dinner. I went… Today, my husband decided to sell my car, which is in excellent working condition. Why? He decided…