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This isn't what should be happening
You've set the cat off again, he's started pushing fruit out of bodies of water. Well done.
An insomniac or a creature of the dark
You commented on an FML between 1 and 3 am.
Happy Ending
Brandon may have an FML, but he ended up marrying Jessica. You found this out by reading “FML, the follow up.”
Today, I was having a race with a little kid. I let him win to make him feel like a champion. After the race, he turned to me and said, "Maybe if you weren't so fat you would have won." FML
I agree, your life sucks (16288) - you deserved it (2696)
On 09/20/2012 at 10:40pm - kids - by tiredeolfatty (woman) - Canada (Alberta)
Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (12986) - you deserved it (17589)
On 09/20/2012 at 3:00am - intimacy - by myself - United States (California)
Today, a guy I've been seeing for a while sent me a link to a porn site, with the message, "Holy fuck, isn't this your mom?!" Thinking he was joking around, I clicked the link just to see what sick shit he wanted to show me. It was my mom. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48104) - you deserved it (1979)
On 09/19/2012 at 4:41pm - intimacy - by identitychangeplease - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I spent hours crafting a tiara to look like the princess from my boyfriend's favourite game series, Zelda. I sent him a picture of me wearing it, and got the reply: "Sure, that's nice, but you'd be better as Majora." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12896) - you deserved it (2115)
Today, I collected my students' notes in class to check them. One girl, who is always drawing weird anime crap in her sketchbook, turned in just one piece of paper that read, "FUCK YOUR CLASS." FML
I agree, your life sucks (12705) - you deserved it (12710)
On 09/17/2012 at 8:21pm - work - by Mrs. Teacher (woman) - United States (Georgia)
Today, my nitwit son infected our family computer with some sort of mad bastard virus after getting fooled by the promise of some non-existent Hannah Montana nudes. FML
I agree, your life sucks (15794) - you deserved it (1744)
On 09/17/2012 at 7:25pm - kids - by StupidBerk (man) - United Kingdom
Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22533) - you deserved it (3170)
On 09/16/2012 at 8:50pm - love - by painfetish8021 (woman) - United States (North Carolina)
Today, I was walking to school with my earphones in, when someone tapped me on the shoulder. I was shocked, and whirled around to hit him in the crotch. I soon realized he was just trying to return the commuter pass I'd dropped at the station. FML
I agree, your life sucks (3995) - you deserved it (18810)
On 09/15/2012 at 2:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)
Today, after math class, the resident creepy kid approached me and asked me out. I've only spoken to him twice before, so I was creeped out, and I politely declined. He totally lost it, and shouted that I'm a "friend-zoning bitch" before storming out of the room. FML
I agree, your life sucks (16265) - you deserved it (2205)
On 09/14/2012 at 8:03pm - love - by wow kid just leave me alone (woman) - United States
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
I agree, your life sucks (17325) - you deserved it (1853)
On 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm - kids - by -___- (woman) - Sweden (Stockholms Lan)
Today, I had just bought a new $60 basketball and decided to go try it out. Five minutes into playing, the ball decided to roll into the hands of a little girl, who then said, "Mine". I thought it was cute, until she skipped over to her parent's car and they drove off. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23109) - you deserved it (4179)
On 09/12/2012 at 4:52am - kids - by Bitchjackedmyball - United States (Hawaii)
Today, I came home from work to be given $1 by my mother. This normally would have been nice, had my mother not said, "I just sold that ugly old black and white picture frame you always leave lying around in your room." Which also would have been nice if that "frame" wasn't my Kindle. FML
I agree, your life sucks (28053) - you deserved it (1266)
On 09/12/2012 at 4:44am - money - by humorizer - United States (Texas)
Today, I learned that I'm expecting twins. A boy and a girl. My husband, upon finding out about this, immediately suggested that we give them Star Wars names. But not Luke and Leia. Oh no. He wants to name them Darth and Vayda. And he is absolutely serious about this. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17414) - you deserved it (2591)
On 09/12/2012 at 3:03am - kids - by AGeeksWife (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)
Today, my cousin suddenly confided in me that he had tried to commit suicide by overdosing when he was 17. Shocked and not knowing how to respond, I blurted out, "Did it work?" FML
I agree, your life sucks (6262) - you deserved it (19531)
On 09/12/2012 at 1:40am - misc - by hahagirl (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I was out shopping, when I noticed a teenage girl with a double stroller picking up a pack of condoms. I couldn't help but mutter that it was a little late for those. A guy who must have been her boyfriend then stormed over and beat the shit out of me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (11319) - you deserved it (47388)
On 09/10/2012 at 1:52pm - intimacy - by killmenow - United States (Washington)
Monday 20 May 2013
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