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About Queen_Naiomi : Just a crazy person highly skilled at sarcasm and proper grammatical use of the English language.
How depressing, no badges acquired at all. :/
Today, my boyfriend told everyone I queef during sex. Even his parents are calling me "Cooter Pooter." FML
I agree, your life sucks (26830) - you deserved it (4642)
On 08/30/2010 at 2:02am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, my new girlfriend, with whom I have not had sex, showed me her collection of sex toys. She picked up one approximately the size of my forearm and said "This one is my favorite" now I'm scared for her to see me naked. FML
I agree, your life sucks (32107) - you deserved it (3158)
On 08/27/2010 at 5:15am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (South Carolina)
Today, I took my brother and nieces to the zoo. Two of the lions at the exhibit were mating, so I said, "They're playing leap-frog." My 4-year-old niece said, "Looks like they're fucking to me." FML
I agree, your life sucks (36708) - you deserved it (10617)
On 08/21/2010 at 12:49pm - intimacy - by mc_dreamy - United States (Oklahoma)
Today, my husband discovered that whispering anything in my ear will turn me on. He turned to me and whispered 'cheeseburger' in my ear. Unfortunately, I moaned. Now he now laughs about it with our roommate. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19229) - you deserved it (12915)
On 08/07/2010 at 9:05pm - intimacy - by Indigo_Kitten (woman) - United States (Florida)
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when I felt something brush my shoulder. I turned around in fright, and one of my bum cheeks slipped off the seat and into the toilet, making me fall sideways and hit my face on the toilet roll holder. I now have a black eye. It was my hair on my shoulder. FML
I agree, your life sucks (7688) - you deserved it (12801)
On 03/14/2010 at 6:50am - misc - by Hatty (woman) - United Kingdom
Today, I learnt that the people I work with dislike me so much that they have a competition to see who can accidentally hurt me the most. How did I find out? A chef poured boiling water over my hands, and another shouted "50 POINTS!" FML
I agree, your life sucks (25621) - you deserved it (4282)
On 03/14/2010 at 5:09am - misc - by Cooky (man) - United Kingdom (Calderdale)
Today, I learnt that if you accidentally sit on a hamster, instead of dying, it bites your testicles. FML
I agree, your life sucks (6646) - you deserved it (25769)
On 03/01/2010 at 4:13am - animals - by ItHurtsLIkeHell (man) - Malaysia (Pulau Pinang)
Today, I reached a new low and embarrased my entire family. While in the frozen section of Walmart, I dropped to my knees and let out a horrific, agonizing scream, when I found out they were out of Strawberry Toaster Strudels. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4822) - you deserved it (37653)
On 02/28/2010 at 2:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)
Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML
I agree, your life sucks (30919) - you deserved it (8324)
On 01/27/2010 at 8:35am - intimacy - by chanclepants - Sent from mobile version
Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14327) - you deserved it (3114)
On 01/27/2010 at 6:55am - intimacy - by Patrick - United States (Illinois)
Today, I was on my first date with my crush. When I saw her, I greeted her with, "Hey, sweetheart." She's convinced I said, "Hey, retard." FML
I agree, your life sucks (22421) - you deserved it (3460)
On 01/24/2010 at 2:32pm - love - by firstdate (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have sex for the first time. Not only did he struggle for five minutes to put on a condom (repeatedly snapping himself in the balls), but he then had to ask me "which hole" to put it in. I'm dating a thirty-four year old virgin. FML
I agree, your life sucks (18331) - you deserved it (3718)
On 01/21/2010 at 12:02am - intimacy - by Alicia (woman) - United States (Oregon)
Today, I found out my little sister was a stripper. At the same time, she found out that when I said I was having a "quiet birthday with some friends," what I really meant was "hiring a stripper to jump out of a cake." FML
I agree, your life sucks (40157) - you deserved it (6021)
On 01/18/2010 at 3:26pm - misc - by Jon (man) - United States (Oregon)
Today, while at a bar a woman of about 40 came up to me and asked me to dance, and being only 20 I thought I had met the perfect "cougar" for a one night stand. After a few up-beat dances, a slower song came on and we continued to dance. She started sobbing and claimed I was the son she never had. FML
I agree, your life sucks (19697) - you deserved it (8006)
On 01/14/2010 at 3:27am - misc - by indiansbaseball4 (man) - United States (Texas)
Today, I was at a band practice. The band was talking to each other with language like "cadence", "resolution" and "consecutive fifths". When they spoke to me, they used terms like "tick", "bong", "ticky bong"; and "bongy tick". Musically, I feel like a baboon. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13781) - you deserved it (4497)
On 01/09/2010 at 8:48am - misc - by Fredgruff (man) - United Kingdom (London)
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