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PyroTim's favorite FMLs
by Claire / 01/19/2013 at 8:51am / United States (Maryland) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/18/2013 at 3:59pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, while moving into my new place, I saw my new, elderly neighbor sitting on her porch. I cheerfully greeted her with, "Hello, how are you?" She simply rocked slowly in her chair and replied, "Just waiting to die." She was the most cheerful person I met all day. FML
by Kallian / 01/16/2013 at 6:22pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/16/2013 at 4:08pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
by itsrathersmall / 01/15/2013 at 4:58pm / United States (North Dakota) / Intimacy
by kk / 01/09/2013 at 11:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I was at a restaurant with my boyfriend. He wound up drinking a whole bottle of wine, and when the bill came he drunkenly yelled at the waiter, claiming it should be free, because he's in the military "fighting for your freedom". He's a mechanic in the National Guard. FML
by so embarrassed / 01/05/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (New York) / Love
by WellShit / 01/03/2013 at 9:19pm / United States (Minnesota) / Health
Today, I was at a café with my friends when an elderly man noticed my dimples. He came up to me, stroked them while whispering, "One in a million" then walked out. Now my friends do this to me constantly, even while driving home. I almost hit a tree. FML
by Dimples / 01/03/2013 at 6:35am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous
Today, while talking to one of my parents' friends, we discovered that the house he grew up in is the same house my boyfriend now lives in. When he recalled that he lost his first tooth there, the only response I could come up with was, "Oh my gosh, I lost my virginity there!" FML
by anonymous / 01/03/2013 at 5:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous
Today, my wife and I had a fight, which I thought we resolved. Later, while painting the kitchen, I told her to change into an old shirt she didn't care about. She made a huge show of putting her wedding gown on, veil and all. FML
by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 4:33pm / United States (Georgia) / Love
by ashbeat / 01/01/2013 at 10:20am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy
by aelia_oups / 12/31/2012 at 5:09pm / Miscellaneous
Today, I set up a spy cam in my room to find out which one of my pervy brothers has been using my computer to watch porn. Turns out it was actually my father. I now have a video of him sitting in my chair masturbating, and I can't get it out of my head. FML
by Anonymous / 12/28/2012 at 2:05pm / Malaysia (Selangor) / Miscellaneous
by kmtranter / 12/28/2012 at 6:40am / United Kingdom (Brent) / Intimacy
- Today, after a 7 year dry spell, I finally got laid. The downside? It was in my dreams and involved… Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy… Today, I worked overtime with three guys who never shut up about partying and getting laid. When I…