PyroTim

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Offline (the 08/23/2014 at 3:01pm)

PyroTim

0Fucked!

  • Town/Country : Not specified
  • Title : Mister
  • Birth Date : Tuesday 18 October 1994 (21 years old)
  • <3 status : Not specified
  • Number of visits : 4781
  • Number of comments : 0
  • Number of FMLs : 0 confirmed out of 0 posted

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PyroTim's page activity

Visits<b>ThatsStoryOfLife</b> - the 06/23/2014 at 1:01pm<b>julako</b> - the 06/12/2014 at 6:24pm<b>drivingmissdaisy</b> - the 06/06/2014 at 10:33pm<b>Unkreative</b> - the 04/18/2014 at 6:49am<b>RockNRollAndrew</b> - the 01/12/2014 at 5:18pm<b>Batgirl124</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 11:55am<b>XxOtakuDemonxX</b> - the 01/06/2014 at 1:58am<b>PenguinBitch</b> - the 01/05/2014 at 5:11pm<b>Meanmommy02</b> - the 01/01/2014 at 11:10am<b>beatlesgirl2u2</b> - the 12/31/2013 at 1:59pm<b>Larissa24</b> - the 12/17/2013 at 10:02pm<b>head2133</b> - the 11/19/2013 at 10:55pm<b>DevinEleven</b> - the 11/16/2013 at 4:09pm<b>Pleonasm</b> - the 11/14/2013 at 8:33am<b>i_love_him_</b> - the 11/10/2013 at 9:51pm<b>nicolemadden</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 1:28pm<b>mcm_3</b> - the 10/26/2013 at 10:30am<b>adrianramz69</b> - the 10/14/2013 at 6:45pm

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You have voted for 50% of the entire collection of FMLs to date.

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PyroTim's favorite FMLs

Today, for the sixth time in a row, I was driving my kid to school and he made me late for work. Why? He was whacking off instead of getting ready. FML

by Why son, why? / 03/20/2013 at 7:07am / United States / Intimacy

Today, I attended the reading of my grandfather's will. I didn't expect to receive anything, since his side of the family had always ostracized me for being born out of wedlock. I did get something: $3,500, on the binding condition that I use a portion of it to get a vasectomy. FML

by grandson of a p.o.s. / 03/14/2013 at 6:04pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-fighting. I managed to pin him down and win. He saw my grin, snorted, and bitterly said I'd only won because "let's face it, you're a bit of a porker, eh babe?" FML

by Anonymous / 03/13/2013 at 10:15pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was helping my father-in-law out at a family barbecue. Somehow, the topic turned to grand-children, at which point I confessed that my wife has been having trouble conceiving. His response was to boom: "Sure you've been putting it in the right hole, son?!" FML

by um... maybe / 03/12/2013 at 6:43pm / United Kingdom / Kids

Today, I was caught "experimenting" with my friend at his house. His parents called mine, and my dad came to drive me home. On the way back, he tried to cheer me up by saying, "Son, don't be ashamed. When I was your age, I sucked a few dicks myself." Thanks for the info, Dad. FML

by ugh / 03/11/2013 at 7:33am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy

Today, one of my elderly swimming students ran into me at Walmart. Being a polite teenager, I said hi to him. He looked at me surprised and said, "Oh dear! I didn't recognize you with your clothes on!" I'll never forget the look on his wife's face. FML

by Anonymous / 03/09/2013 at 2:02am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my boyfriend and one of his friends have been having sex with each other. His excuse? "She's my best friend, we do this all the time." I have been dating him for over a year. FML

by Alexandra / 03/05/2013 at 3:17pm / United States (Maryland) / Love

Today, I was being interviewed for an amazing job when I was asked what animal I would describe myself as. Trying to be prompt, I picked the first thing that came to me. I responded with, "I'd be a turtle because I'm really slow sometimes." FML

by seriously / 03/04/2013 at 7:43pm / United States (Indiana) / Work

Today, I went to a paintball match with a group of friends, one of whom brought his dad along. His dad is a weight-lifting, wannabe alpha male fucknut who thinks that chokeslamming opponents is a legitimate close-quarters paintball tactic. My broken shoulder disagrees. FML

by Anonymous / 03/02/2013 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom / Health

Today, I was taking my dog for a walk and forgot a bag to pick up his poop, since it's illegal to not pick it up in my town. Right as my dog started to take a dump, a cop car drove by and continued to watch me as I was forced to pick up the poop with my bare hands. FML

by yikes / 03/02/2013 at 10:32am / United States / Animals

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend by quietly undressing and sneaking into the bathroom to join him in the shower. He was bent over taking a dump, pushing his turd down the plughole. FML

by anony / 02/27/2013 at 8:49am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend made me play Slender. I was so terrified, I stopped playing 10 minutes in. Tonight, I kept hearing noises outside. When I peered out through the window, a bald figure in a suit was staring back at me. I shrieked in absolute terror; he burst out laughing. It was my boyfriend. FML

by stillfuckingcrying / 02/24/2013 at 4:20pm / Sweden (Kalmar Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

by Anonymous / 02/23/2013 at 1:27pm / Denmark (Hovedstaden) / Intimacy

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2013 at 9:56pm / United States (New York) / Work