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PyroTim's favorite FMLs
by Kit / 09/16/2013 at 7:09am / United Kingdom (Swindon) / Love
Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML
by Anonymous / 09/15/2013 at 3:53pm / Romania (Bucuresti) / Intimacy
Today, I was at Walmart with my stepmom. We were about to check out when a little sweet-looking old woman came up and asked if she could get in front of us. Seeing as she only had two items in her hands we said yes. Her husband then came up with two carts full of stuff, condoms on top. FML
by sommmerrrr / 09/15/2013 at 12:12am / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
Today, after having recently told my 4-year-old daughter that she won't grow big and tall if she doesn't eat her veggies, she decided to pass this wisdom on to a midget that we passed in the store. FML
by Anonymous / 09/11/2013 at 2:10pm / United States (Florida) / Kids
by poolgirl789 / 09/03/2013 at 2:30am / United Kingdom (Bradford) / Intimacy
Today, my husband thought it would be acceptable to watch Breaking Bad on Netflix with my 4-year-old in the room. What happened to be the only line he picked up? "Well heil Hitler, bitch!" I found out from his preschool teacher. FML
by Anonymous / 09/03/2013 at 12:13am / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids
by TheRoad42 / 08/20/2013 at 8:54am / United States (Louisiana) / Animals
by love-shot / 08/17/2013 at 4:24am / United States (Kansas) / Love
Today, I went to my boss's dinner party. My sister, who also works with me, sat across from me at the table. I felt her kick me so I kicked her back. Then I heard something start crying. It was the boss's baby crawling under the table. FML
by offuckingcourse / 08/06/2013 at 1:07am / Canada (Ontario) / Work
by NO NO NO / 08/05/2013 at 5:42pm / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Intimacy
Today, I was buying ingredients for a salad. I had only picked up a few cucumbers, when an elderly lady came up to me and murmured, "Make sure you use lots of lube, or that'll hurt. Been there, sweetheart." What the HELL? FML
by um... what the fuck, miss? / 08/02/2013 at 4:23pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
by DreamStatic / 07/28/2013 at 10:16pm / United States (Georgia) / Health
by Anonymous / 07/28/2013 at 12:59am / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, my phone went off, reminding me to take my birth control. Instead of vibrating as per usual, it rang. The ringtone had been changed to my boyfriend singing "It's birth control time, birth control time, take your pill, or I'll say it ain't mine." I was sitting in a quiet waiting room. FML
by turning red / 07/26/2013 at 9:14pm / United States / Miscellaneous
by amiezingme / 07/26/2013 at 9:09am / United States (North Carolina) / Intimacy
- Today, I'm a 34 year old male who just got given the sex talk on my Facebook timeline by my senile… Today, I lost my virginity. He then told me, in tears, how bad he felt about leaving his dog alone… Today, I dreamed that I was making out with a cute girl. Just as I was about to take it to the next…
- Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me,… Today, because I’m on my period, I asked my boyfriend to turn around so I could change my clothes.… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.…