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PyroTim's favorite FMLs
by Unfortunate / 10/07/2012 at 8:24pm / United States (Washington) / Intimacy
Today, after months of believing my house is haunted, and years of being scared of the dark, I finally had to admit to myself that the only way I can go to the bathroom in the middle of the night is if my cat follows me and sits outside the door. I'm 23. FML
by Anonymous / 09/22/2012 at 8:37pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous
by jitiizer / 09/19/2012 at 1:02pm / Netherlands (Friesland) / Miscellaneous
by GMD / 09/18/2012 at 4:20pm / United Kingdom (Belfast) / Health
Today, my five-year-old daughter asked me why moms don't swallow clothes, so that their babies won't be born naked. My husband burst into derisive laughter, and has now trained her into responding to the name "Derp-Derp." FML
by -___- / 09/14/2012 at 7:06pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Kids
by Anonymous / 09/08/2012 at 7:38am / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
by anonymous / 09/05/2012 at 12:44am / Australia / Intimacy
Today, I was watching some pretty intense porn on my Macbook. I unplugged the second monitor so I could lie on my bed. Instead of defaulting to the screen, Airplay somehow synced it to the living room TV, where the rest of my family was watching a movie. FML
by WhyAppleWhy / 09/01/2012 at 7:14pm / United States (Florida) / Intimacy
Today, I was at the mall, when a guy started screaming at his buddy for sleeping with his sister. It was pretty hilarious, so when he stormed off, I mockingly yelled, "Pussy!" He then whirled around and beat the absolute hell out of his friend. Now I feel like I'm going to reincarnate as a turd. FML
by feelsterrible / 08/09/2012 at 3:51pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous
by rxcrs3 / 08/09/2012 at 2:44am / United States / Intimacy
Today, I was rotated to the graveyard shift at my job. My only co-worker is a twenty-something Paris Hilton wannabe who won't shut up about her belief that she's the reincarnation of Whitney Houston. FML
by bellsucker / 08/04/2012 at 6:15pm / Australia (Victoria) / Work
by Awkward / 07/18/2012 at 10:15pm / United States (California) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 07/12/2012 at 2:40am / United States (Texas) / Intimacy
by Addison / 06/24/2012 at 8:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy
Today, my parents were awake while I was still in bed on my iPod touch. I decided to play The Smurfs Village. One of its minigames involves shaking the iPod, so I was breathing heavily. Later, my parents sat me down for a little "talk". FML
by Anonymous / 06/23/2012 at 9:11am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous
- 1Today, I took a test. I got up to turn it in, and accidentally bumped into another student. We both… 2Today, my energetic 10-month-old decided to stay up four hours past bedtime. After I FINALLY got… 3Today, I tried to fire the worst worker I've ever had over the phone because he never shows up for…
- Today, my phone provider informed me that I had 12 messages waiting for me on my voicemail. Happy… Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket.… Today, I’m a bus driver in Paris. A guy got on with a sheep. I told him that you can’t take the bus…