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PyroTim's favorite FMLs
by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous
by clodius / 11/20/2013 at 1:25pm / United Kingdom (North Lanarkshire) / Intimacy
by :( / 11/17/2013 at 3:27pm / United States (Texas) / Kids
by Something I said? / 11/05/2013 at 10:26am / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML
by regretsteachinghighschool / 11/05/2013 at 8:22am / United States (Minnesota) / Work
by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous
by BaconLover / 10/28/2013 at 12:58am / Japan / Love
Today, I heard crashing noises coming from my dining room. I got up to see what it was; my asshat cat was flinging himself at my chandelier. He'd figured out how to grab the ceiling fan from the other room, build momentum, and launch into my expensive chandelier. Hooray. FML
by IamAflyingCat / 10/22/2013 at 5:12am / United States / Animals
Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML
by overly nationalistic redneck / 10/19/2013 at 3:37pm / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous
Today, after months of exercise and diets and finally reaching my ideal weight, I told my morbidly obese cousin about my success, hoping to motivate him to do the same. He replied, "Why would it matter, you're still ugly." FML
by Anonymous / 10/15/2013 at 1:08pm / United States (California) / Health
by pancakelicious / 10/04/2013 at 7:16am / New Zealand / Intimacy
by EconM / 10/03/2013 at 11:38am / United States / Intimacy
Today, while sitting in a crowded waiting room at the doctor's office, my 5-year-old daughter pointed at my 6-year-old son's crotch and boomed, "MOM, WHY DOES ANDY HAVE A FINGER DOWN THERE?" to which he yelled, "IT'S CALLED A COCK!" FML
by SerenityJ / 09/27/2013 at 4:00pm / United States (California) / Kids
by friend loves a gay guy... / 09/23/2013 at 4:49pm / United States (Ohio) / Love
by Anonymous / 09/23/2013 at 2:15am / United States (California) / Work
- Today, I was playing video games when my balls felt itchy. I had been sick for the past few days so… Today, I asked my husband of 15 years to get a vasectomy, as he's said for the past 13 we are done… Today, I saw a cute girl working at one of those fancy pizza places. I gave her a tip and she gave…