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PyroTim's favorite FMLs
by Catuser / 03/05/2014 at 10:09pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous
by PaneraSucks / 02/19/2014 at 1:24am / United States (New Hampshire) / Work
Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML
by Anonymous / 02/15/2014 at 5:44pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 02/13/2014 at 10:47am / United States (Missouri) / Kids
Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML
by Anonymous / 01/31/2014 at 11:36am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous
Today, I was walking home from work, when I slipped and fell on a patch of ice. I clambered back to my feet, made it three feet, then slipped and fell again. A guy who'd witnessed the whole thing stuck his head out of his car window and yelled "Dumbasssssss!" FML
by SqueakingRetard / 01/17/2014 at 6:28pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health
Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML
by Anonymous / 01/13/2014 at 2:34am / United States (Hawaii) / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 01/12/2014 at 1:38am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous
Today, I texted my boyfriend of two years and asked if he wanted to go to ball with me. His response was "The person you are trying to message cancelled their phone service and moved to Mexico. Taco taco burrito." I'll take that as a no. FML
by rollergirl13 / 01/11/2014 at 12:55am / United States (Alaska) / Love
by Anonymous / 01/10/2014 at 9:25pm / United States / Miscellaneous
Today, I realised after showering that I didn't have a towel, so I thought I would risk a naked dash to my brother's room to steal one of his. He and his friend were in the room and both agreed that I needed a "trim". FML
by Anonymous / 01/06/2014 at 1:59pm / South Africa / Intimacy
by Anonymous / 12/10/2013 at 4:06pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy
Today, my parents kicked me out of the house because they were having a party. They gave me twenty bucks to go see a movie. Well, the movie ended pretty quick, but the trauma of seeing my parents in a swingers' orgy will take some time getting over. FML
by why god / 11/25/2013 at 1:16am / United States (California) / Intimacy
Today, my workplace had a big employee photoshoot for an ad campaign. I was there all of 30 seconds before the photographer said, "What the fuck? Look guys, this ain't an ad for facial abortions." He then asked me and another colleague to step out of the shot. FML
by fuggers :/ / 11/24/2013 at 4:38pm / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Work
Today, I was playing monopoly with my boyfriend and a few friends. After I bankrupted my boyfriend, he turned to me and said, "I fucked your best friend last night, so who really won?" I turned to the best friend in question, she looked at the board and said, "I'd like to buy a house please." FML
by I hate that game / 11/23/2013 at 11:11am / United Kingdom (Wigan) / Miscellaneous
- Today, while my husband and I were having sex, my cat decided to join in on our moans by crying at… Today, I realized that sex with my husband has gotten so boring that I'd rather fake an orgasm than… Today, I came home to my mentally unhinged roommate jacking off to a frozen TV frame of Peggy Hill…