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About PurelyCanadian : Hi :) I'm Emily. I'm an eighteen-year old Canadian who is happily in a relationship - and YES, you CAN talk to me. I own and run a small hobby farm in the heart of nowheres. I'll willingly talk about my animals if you're interested. I like to consider myself friendly, passionate, caring, enthusiastic and outgoing, and I love meeting people. Injury and accident prone - ask me about it. Sarcasm and dry humour is my favorite. I swear a lot, and generally just don't give a fuck. SEE!? I excel in making bad jokes and incredibly awful puns, which excessively and exclusively get down-voted because people have absolutely NO sense of humor AND because people suck. IMAGINE THAT. I'm die-hard for classic rock, alternative and some country music. I'm a hardcore country/Indie mix kind-of girl who absolutely hates fake people. And that's it for me.
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Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML
Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML
Today, I was sitting on the couch, watching The Avengers with my 4-year-old daughter, who loves the Hulk. When Hulk finally showed up, she excitedly looked at me and screamed, "Hulk Smash" before slamming both of her fists into my balls. FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML
Tuesday 22 July 2014