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About PurelyCanadian : Hi :) I'm Emily. I'm an eighteen-year old Canadian who is happily in a relationship - and YES, you CAN talk to me. I own and run a small hobby farm in the heart of nowheres. I'll willingly talk about my animals if you're interested. I like to consider myself friendly, passionate, caring, enthusiastic and outgoing, and I love meeting people. Injury and accident prone - ask me about it. Sarcasm and dry humour is my favorite. I swear a lot, and generally just don't give a fuck. SEE!? I excel in making bad jokes and incredibly awful puns, which excessively and exclusively get down-voted because people have absolutely NO sense of humor AND because people suck. IMAGINE THAT. I'm die-hard for classic rock, alternative and some country music. I'm a hardcore country/Indie mix kind-of girl who absolutely hates fake people. And that's it for me.
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Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML
Today, I went for a romantic, anniversary meal with my wife. It was amazing, until we had to rush home halfway through because our daughter rang, informing us that her 20-year-old sister had broken her wrist trying to jump from the roof, onto the trampoline and into the pool. She 'miscalculated'. FML
Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML
Today, I was at the beach with a group of friends, including the guy I like. As soon as we got to the beach, I ran toward the water and he chased after me. It was a beautiful moment until I looked back at him, tripped, fell on my face and slid down the beach. FML
Today, my friend announced that she'd lost weight recently. As I was congratulating her, my baby sister said, "I think you're still fat but that's good because you can give more meat to God when you go to heaven." Now I have to explain to a 6-year-old that God isn't a cannibal. FML
Today, my teenage daughter tried to convince me that the UK is a part of Canada. After I pulled out a map to prove her wrong, she got all angry and defensive, and said that nobody's perfect at "geometry". My daughter is an idiot. FML
Today, I saw a cute guy and decided to say hi. As I started to think about things to talk about, one story in particular about a drummer who looked like Jesus stuck out in my mind. I was so nervous that instead of saying hi, I blurted out, "Some people look like Jesus!" and took off. FML
Friday 19 September 2014