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Today, after years of being terrified of those biscuit cans that pop when you unwrap them, I finally decided I'd open one myself. I'm sitting in the hospital with a sliced hand from the lid and can feel therapy in my future. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13867) - you deserved it (2715)
On 10/23/2012 at 12:01pm - misc - by afraidofcans - United States (Virginia)
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML
I agree, your life sucks (24588) - you deserved it (5287)
On 10/22/2012 at 11:18pm - intimacy - by TypeOhNegative (woman) - United States (Nevada)
Today, my dad asked me to clean the trash on our acreage. I was cleaning around the tree line when I came across a particularly heavy bag. I ran inside to ask my dad for help moving it. He looked inside the bag to see what it could be. It was a human body. Someone had thrown it over our fence. FML
I agree, your life sucks (48449) - you deserved it (1782)
On 10/22/2012 at 3:45am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)
Today, while my mother's blind friend was waiting in our kitchen for my mom to come home, I thought it would be funny to talk to her in the nude. Turns out she's only blind in one eye. FML
I agree, your life sucks (4144) - you deserved it (36210)
On 10/21/2012 at 8:29pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)
Today, my insane boss decided I poop too much. Now, every time I go to the bathroom, he follows me in and tries to get me to hurry up by reading passages from 50 Shades of Grey. FML
I agree, your life sucks (22823) - you deserved it (2188)
On 08/08/2012 at 9:53am - work - by blakeintheoffice - United States
Today, I told my son to go clean his mess of a room. He yelled, "Dobby has no master! Dobby is a free elf!" and walked off. He turned 18 a week ago. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20345) - you deserved it (9448)
On 07/25/2012 at 6:54am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)
Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML
I agree, your life sucks (20129) - you deserved it (2381)
On 07/13/2012 at 1:08pm - kids - by Marjorie (woman) - Canada (Ontario)
Today, I watched as my dad noticed a spider on the ceiling. Instead of getting a shoe, he pulled out a 9mm and shot it. I'm not sure if this is an epic win or a sign that my family is crazy. FML
I agree, your life sucks (23778) - you deserved it (2627)
On 07/07/2012 at 2:10am - misc - by kalikanna - United States (New Jersey)
Today, my over-protective husband went into an extreme fit of jealousy at the sight of me breast-feeding our newborn baby boy. He's trying to make me bottle-feed our boy, because apparently it's "wrong" to let another guy touch my boobs. FML
I agree, your life sucks (34798) - you deserved it (3699)
On 07/06/2012 at 1:44pm - love - by wife of a shithead (woman) - Norway (Oslo)
Today, I saw my best friend, who's a cop. He was dressed up in regular clothes and with six other guys. I said, "Officer T.? Didn't you have work today?" Turns out he was undercover, and I blew his investigation. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14037) - you deserved it (29680)
On 07/01/2012 at 4:45am - misc - by immabitch - United States
Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML
I agree, your life sucks (14793) - you deserved it (2374)
On 06/28/2012 at 7:44pm - misc - by zombieguyswife (woman) - United States (Missouri)
Today, I foolishly told my husband that I know he's been holding back sexually, and that I was willing to indulge any sexual fantasies he may have. Now it seems that tonight, I'll be responding to the name "Fluttershy". FML
I agree, your life sucks (18867) - you deserved it (10827)
On 06/25/2012 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)
Today, when I told my family I was a vegetarian, I expected them to make fun of me because that's just my family. But what I wasn't expecting was my dad to use raw meat as a puppet and make it say, "Eat me! Eat me!" then throw it at my face. FML
I agree, your life sucks (17035) - you deserved it (860)
On 06/21/2012 at 10:52am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)
Today, I walked in on my roommate trying to smoke a Mars bar. FML
I agree, your life sucks (13841) - you deserved it (1486)
On 06/05/2012 at 5:03am - misc - by holyshart - United States
Today, I walked in on my mother stroking my cat and murmuring, "Don't worry, kitty. One day, you and I... we will rule." FML
I agree, your life sucks (20850) - you deserved it (1980)
On 06/04/2012 at 8:54pm - animals - by Scared (woman) - United States (Virginia)
Monday 20 May 2013
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